Do you long for Sisterhood in Christ?

I read something yesterday that really struck my heart and I wanted to share it and some of my own thoughts with you today about sisters, sisterhood, friendship, and sisterhood in Christ. 

I have a handful of really great women in my life that I am lucky enough to call my dearest friends. These aren't family members, these are women that I have formed a bond with that has lasted through thick and thin, through bickering, through good times, through trials. These women have stuck by my side even when we go long periods without talking to each other. These women are strong and faithful women and I believe that God brought them into my life for a reason and for them I am eternally grateful. I know that these women will be my friends long into my earthly life and into my Heavenly future. 

When I think about sisters and friends however, my heart does ache because there are many women out there that don't have this type of bond with other women for whatever reason. There are women out there that I thought were going to be my sister and friend and for many different reasons have now faded away from my life. It's those relationships that I mourn and I long for because I know that by us not treating each other the way we should, we our making our Father incredibly sad. Women are a unique species aren't we? We are strong and yet we are gentle. We can speak words of love and kindness and then turn right around and speak words that tear each other down and hurt each other to the very core. We are emotional beings and when our feelings get hurt our first reaction is to hurt the person who made us feel so terribly about ourselves. We are competitive, we are jealous, we can be slanderous and hateful. These actions make us a disgrace to ourselves and to our God we profess to love. 

I ran across a blog entry that I want to share with you by one of my favorite Godly women and I wonder what you think of it or if it strikes you the way it did me? 

How differently might our lives be if we women didn't have to fear the harsh criticisms of other women? Might we be willing to step out a little bolder for Jesus? Might we live our lives a little less guarded?
Oh sweet sisters, women judging other women must absolutely break God’s heart.
The crazy thing is when we judge others, we elevate ourselves past the ability to recognize our own propensity to sin in the very area we are criticizing. Show me a woman who is leveling a judgment against another person, and I will show you a woman who is wrapped in sin herself.If it’s not the very same sin she’s criticizing, it will be a sin just as dangerous — pride.
It's a subtle shift that Satan invites us into. Voicing criticisms against others will coat the eyes of our soul with smut so thick, we become blinded to our own sin. Pride and self-righteousness will detour us from God’s best path and lead us on a treacherous journey of denial. We’ll deny our own sinfulness. We’ll deny our own need for grace.
Those who can’t see their own desperate need for grace, refuse to freely give grace to others.
Now, if you’re like me, you may be tempted to start making a mental list of those who you have felt judged by and you started praying a few sentences back: “Please let so and so read this post. Oh I hope she sees herself in this and gets a whammy of conviction.”
But, let’s stop making that mental list and receive this message personally. Even if we aren't naturally critical people, this is an area we can all grow in.
- Lysa TerKeurst

Powerful stuff right there sisters!!! And the last paragraph....whewwwwweeeee! That hit me right in the gut. How often have I posted things wishing that so and so would see it and it would smack her in the face with guilt and conviction. I am guilty. I admit it. And what is even worse is that I read this post and it sinks in but I promise you, I will fall again. I will do it again. It's my sinful nature to want other people who have hurt me, to hurt. It's a daily fight between me, Satan, and God. Oh how I long for this world to end and to gain entry into my Eternal Home and for this struggle to be taken from me. But, that is not our reality right now is it? We are still here, and while we're here we have to battle these feelings, temptations, and sins. These negatives in our lives are truths. We literally do these things to each other without a second thought. But sisters, there is another truth. That truth is that Jesus longs for us as women to love one another, to support each other, to uplift each other, to be encouraging and thought provoking, and to pray for each other, but the strongest of these is love. Sisters, we NEED each other. Life can get so difficult at times with all the responsibilities of being a woman. We have husbands, children, careers, education, God, church, etc, etc, etc. We have obligations and responsibilities. We need to be there for each other, we need to listen to each other, we need to be present with each other, and most of all we need to pray for each other. 

Women of noble character do not slander each other. They do not hate each other. They do not gossip about each other. They do not treat each other unkindly. They do not tear each other down. Those things are what Satan wants. Those are things he whispers in our ears to do to each other so that our church can be ripped apart from the very inside out! 

So how do we prevent this bitterness and wrath towards each other, how do we stop judging each other and tearing each other down? We take up the sword of Christ, we pick up our Bibles and we go to war with Satan using the Scriptures to speak truths about ourselves and each other! 

Here are some powerful truths about what a sister in Christ is and does.... 


“A friend loveth at all times…” Proverbs 17:17
Trying to walk each day as a woman of faith, while facing all this world has to throw at us, is often hard to do.  But the Lord has promised He will never leave us or forsake us, and He often sends into our life, the special blessing of a special sister. 

She is a spiritually mature woman who can offer support and comfort, and is waiting to reach out with encouragement and prayer. 
She has a desire within her heart that compels her to reach out to another who is hurting. 
She has the love of Jesus within her and it shows. 
She is like-minded, understanding, a listener, an encourager, and a prayer warrior. There is a special bond between you as sisters in Christ. 
She can be relied upon to lift you up in prayer and trusted in confidence. This special sister will tell you the truth, even when it may not be what you want to hear. 

“Sisters in Christ are like pillars on a porch. Sometimes they lean on you, and sometimes you hold them up. But it is always good to know that they are always standing by.”

This born-again desire of “sisterly love” is a sure sign that Jesus now dwells within us. 

Are you ready to live your life like pillars on a porch for each other sisters? Are you ready to answer Christs call to love one another? If you are, say this prayer with me....

In genuine sincerity, you can speak to Jesus...Lord Jesus, I know that I am not the woman that you desire me to be. I know I am a sinner and that my sin separates me from you. I firmly believe that you died on the cross for my sins and suffered in my place for the condemnation that I deserve.
I come to you now for forgiveness and to surrender my life to You. I come to you now for forgiveness and to surrender my life to You. You have been patiently waiting outside the door of my heart knocking. I now open the door.Come in, Lord Jesus, and be my Lord and Savior forever.

Your circle will get smaller, but it is worth it!

"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." Matthew 5:10-12

There are a lot of things going on in the world right now. Social media and the news are abuzz with stories about Bruce Jenner, The Duggars, Police Brutality, Christian business being shut down for refusing to glorify sin, etc, etc, etc. And of course in our human nature we all have an opinion about them. Facebook has went from a fun place to share pictures of family and friends and events in our lives to a place of political and religious agenda. It seems to be the only place where you can voice your beliefs to the widest audience. However, with your opinion there is always a counter opinion. Social media is place where you are free to say what is on your mind-to a limit-and with that comes either support and agreement, or personal attack in opposition of your opinion or belief. If someone disagrees with you they are free to "de-friend" or "unfollow" or they are free to comment on your post and start a discussion and/or argument. You are also free to voice your opinion in favor or against someone else's and in turn will either be "de-friended" or "blocked" from their social media lives. 

Recently I encountered this. I had a "friend" or more of an associate, someone I used to work with a long time ago that I followed on FB. He made this huge FB post angered towards the fact that so many people are posting meme's making fun of Bruce "Caitlyn" Jenner and how he is being called a hero for coming out of his cross dressing closet. Many people feel that he should not be called a hero for cutting himself up and trying to change himself into something that he is not when there are so many other hero's out there like our police force, fire department, and military. Others who have eggs in the transgender basket feel that he is a hero for coming out publicly about how he has always felt that he is a woman trapped in a mans body and people feel it's heroic that he is doing this change so out in the open and sharing his story with the world in hopes that other in the closet transgenders will be brave enough to do the same. His post went like this: 

"Changing genders, fighting for our freedoms or being a hero in general requires each and every individual to have courage, and courage takes a hell of a lot more guts than half the people I see wasting their time talking down on Caitlyn Jenner. How about this, instead of posting tasteless memes, you go out and do something that requires courage from you. Put yourself out there and see what happens. Maybe someone will make a hateful meme about you!"

I replied to this post because I am one of those rare people that doesn't think Bruce is a hero. I also took a bit of offense because in general, everyone these days is so up in arms about social issues, which is great, but they are only passionate about what suits their agenda and they don't care about the issues that other people care about. This world is so topsy turvy towards the liberal left agenda and more and more if your voice your opinion or belief against the perversion and sin that has taken hold of our world, the more you are ostracized and persecuted. 

I replied to this post stating that I as a Christian put myself "out there" on a daily basis and face persecution from social media, friends, and family for standing up for my faith, and asked if that takes the kind of courage that he was talking about. You see, I've witnessed this person numerous times make negative comments regarding religion and religious people in standing up for his beliefs in "humanity". Spiritualism runs rampant and is a central theme. So I wondered if he cared about religious persecution and religious freedom as part of his "humanity" stance or if it was just transgender or gay rights he cared about. I was sure to get a reaction but I didn't quite expect the one I got from his wife who I have considered a pretty good friend, even though we've never met in person:

"I guess you missed the part where he said "fighting for our freedoms" which you can probably lump in the religious freedom that you speak of. Instead, you have chosen to make this post about victimizing yourself and the rest of your Christian Crusade. Unlike the close-minded judgement I've seem come from some of your posts, we're accepting of all humans, even self-proclaimed Jesus Freaks (your words on your bio, not mine) like yourself. Perhaps you should re-read before leaving comments as asinine as the one you just left."

I don't know about anyone else but that response didn't sound very "accepting", nor did it feel accepting at all. In fact it felt downright rude and cruel. I know, I shouldn't get offended but I admit, it hurt my feelings to be talked to in this tone when I have been NOTHING but supportive and nice to this girl. I replied to her that she should trust me, that I do not feel like a victim whatsoever because Christ told me in His word that I will be persecuted for believing in Him and declaring His name and I feel pride when this happens because I know I'm doing something right. I told her that I was simply making the point that everyone has a right to their opinion. They have a right to support Bruce Jenner, I really could care less. I pointed out that other people have the right to post "tasteless" memes or to stand up against him being called a hero and that they shouldn't care either, and I waved a white flag. I was again met with a cold and rude tone:

"The  only people that should be offended by his post are the ones posting tacky memes or making comments attacking someone for just being themself, so unless you're guilty of that then there was no need for the comment asking if you fit into his definition of humanity."

She went on to say that she's never made a negative comment about religious issues in the past and honestly, I don't have the time or patience to go back into either of their social media accounts to prove what I've seen so I just left it alone. But to add insult to injury, I discovered this morning that I have been blocked from her Instagram account. This is a person that is a pretty well known blogger and has her own business and I've done more than what I was ever obligated to do by supporting her and spreading the word about her to get her more exposure and more followers. I guess the fact that we have differing opinions means more to her than the word of mouth business that she runs and how she treats people who have a different opinion than her own. *SHRUG*

My point in this is that right or wrong on the fact that I probably should have left the post alone in the first place...this is the type of thing that is running rampant on social media these days. If you are ANYTHING but a conservative Christian then you are stuck up for, you are defended, and you deserve your rights to do anything you want to without anyone saying anything against you. If you are a Christian however, you are hated, you are slandered, you are made fun of, you are de-friended and blocked, you are persecuted, your business is threatened with lawsuit and shut down, you are called a bigot, closed minded, told you are following a hate filled God, etc, etc. In fact in response to one of my comments on this post another person came up to say

"Christians put themselves out there for mocking by trying to justify hatred and bigotry using an irrelevant, ancient book." - MB

Irrelevant and ancient book. That's what I see constantly. The insults are slung around about Christians so freely these days that it is almost as if we should go to legislation and try to make it a hate crime like everyone else does for their agenda. Here is the thing though....ALL of this is already predicted in the Bible. Christ already warned us and told us this was going to happen and has told us that "If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you." 1 Peter 4:14. I found 72 verses alone about persecution towards Christians, and I know there are far more than that. I've experienced all kinds of persecution regarding my religious beliefs my whole life. As far back as I can remember I have been made fun of because I observe the true Biblical Sabbath, I've been made fun of and actually had people get angry with me because I don't eat pork. I don't know if it's because I am an adult now and I'm more aware of it, or if the persecution is just getting worse, but in today's society it seems that if you speak the name of Christ you are immediately hated. The sad part of it is, we are so misunderstood which is the claim of the other side. I want to make it clear, I don't hate Bruce Jenner, I don't hate transgender people, and I don't hate gay people. I don't hate atheists or agnostics. In fact I very much love them. Christ loves them, so I love them. The secular world fails to understand that all we as Christians to is pray for them and lift them up to Christ asking Him to have mercy on them and give them enough time to come to Him and ask for forgiveness and turn from their sin so that they might enjoy the peace and comfort in Christ that we have. I want the whole world to be in Heaven. I loathe the thought of Satan winning any life over to his evil agenda. I loathe the thought of any person falling victim to his lies and losing their salvation. It simply breaks my heart. 

The closer you become to Christ the farther away from the world you become. You become an alien to society and to the worldly ways and the secular view becomes more and more disgusting. The closer to Christ you get the easier Satan's lies become exposed and if you believe in God your natural instinct is to talk about Him, to tell people about Him, to reject things and people that reject Him. In doing this you will come to realize that you are going to lose people in your life. Those people that you thought were good friends or even your own family members will turn against you for your beliefs. It will hurt. It will cause you to feel offended. Embrace that pain because Christ is sifting the wheat from the tares. Christ is putting this world through great labor pains to weed out those who will follow Him and those who will not. Not everyone you lose is a loss. The closer to Christ you become, your circle will get smaller and it is worth it. Surround yourself with like minded people who will be able to lift you up and keep your strong in these final days on earth. Don't feel bad about cutting people out of your life that do not have the same beliefs as you. You don't have to be "friends" with everyone and not everyone that comes in and out of your life is meant to stay there. 

 

Jesus Is Alive!

Happy Easter-Resurrection! 

Elvis is dead, Picasso is dead. Jimi Hendrix & Janis Joplin are dead. Marilyn Monroe is dead- however...Jesus is Alive. 

Brando is dead, James Brown is dead. Princess Di & John Lennon are dead. Biggie Smalls & Tu Pac are dead - however...Jesus is Alive. 

Give praise to King Jesus, blessed son Victorious, glorious resurrected One. To Him belongs the power, the glory and honor. Ascended where He sits at the right hand of the Father. At the cross He made atonement - His people are saved. After three days He was raised in defeat of the grave. By faith we behold Him, His scepter is golden. He must have been hot or slippery because death couldn't hold Him. The spotlight is on today's icons. In a thousand years, nobody will care - their lights gone. 

But at that time, Christ will still shine bright. He's not in the limelight - He IS the limelight. Criminal minded, you've been blinded. Looking for the body of Jesus? You won't find it. We never lack spirit, letting you cats hear it because His tomb is empty like most secular rap lyrics. 

Plato is dead, Socrates is dead. Aristotle & Immanuel Kant are dead. Neitzsche & Darwin are dead - however...Jesus is Alive. 

Buddha is dead, Mohammed is dead. Ghandi & Halie Selassie are dead. Elijah Mohammed is dead - however...Jesus is Alive. 

Throughout history there's been mad religious leaders. Prophets, preachers, scholars, teachers. But when it came to the grave, no one could climb out. That's where Jesus stands alone like taking a "timeout". And don't be mislead - I got a level head. No resurrection, Christianity would have never spread. The disciples weren't stupid guys who would ruin their lives. And then choose to die for what they knew was a lie. That would be beyond ridiculous - Nah, the issue is the Risen Christ seen by 500 eye-witnesses. Imagine 500 people in a court of law. Each of them taking the stand reporting what they saw. If their stories lined up and made sense the evidence would have to leave you convinced. But still it's by faith that we trust and praise the Son who was raised for our justification. 

Nero is dead, Constantine is dead. Genghis Khan and Attila the Hun are dead. Alexander the great is dead - however...Jesus is Alive. 

Jesus is Alive - Shai Inne

Make Time

 As much as I would love to say that I have a great devotional life, I will admit...that is a lie. I mean I read my Bible, and I pray, and I read devotionals but just like everyone else, I get busy and I get distracted and I get sidetracked and my reading list ends up falling by the wayside. I know that God knows all the things I have in my life to do, I don't need to make excuses to Him. But I do need to be accountable for my own excuses and be honest with myself and with Him. Christ makes time for me so the why shouldn't I make time for Him? I've said this a few times...2015 for me is all about changes.

Let's face it...life gets in the way. We say we are going to exercise, go on that diet, read a book, hang with friends, etc, etc, etc, but then life gets in the way and we find every excuse in the book to put off what we know that we need to do. If you're anything like me, procrastination could literally make you a millionaire if you actually got paid for it. We have stuff going on. We have jobs, school, kids, our kids school and activities, marriages, television we love to watch, meals to cook, bills to pay, and the need to fit glorious sleep into it all. If we want to have a good relationship with Christ we have to make the time. We cannot just expect it to fall in our lap. He is just waiting on us. He is there, all the time, any time you need Him. He's not going anywhere. But if we don't make time to meet Him and talk with Him and spend time in His word, our lives will suffer. It is imperative not only for our earthly life but especially for our Heavenly life and Salvation that we make time for our Creator!! 

I know this information may be a bit TMI (too much information) but I am going to be real with you to show what works for me when it comes to making time for the things I know I need, and want to do...

Typically my morning routine consists of getting up, dragging myself out of bed, dragging myself to the coffee pot to turn it on, dragging myself to the bathroom to do my morning "bidness", dragging myself into the shower, sluggishly putting on my face, getting my son up, doing my hair and getting dressed, packing lunches, and draaaaaaaging myself out of the door. Doesn't sound like a great start to the day does it? I am famous for checking all my social media sites while I do my "bidness" in the morning. My friends will tell you..."she checks her Facebook or texts, and even calls me while she poops". *Shrug*, it's just what I do. :) 

I have been thinking about ways I can make more time in my day to spend time in God's word.  I've been really wanting to push myself to make time for the important things in life and lets face it, Facebook and Twitter are really not that important. So, instead of checking my social media in the morning, I have been reading my devotional. Instead of checking my Facebook and trying to read some article while I do my hair, I have been playing praise music on YouTube. I mean I still sneak in the occasional peek of course but I've been really trying to discipline myself out of that habit. Life is about habits and we either have good ones or bad ones. The only way to change bad habits is to replace them with good ones. 

My 2015 Devotional is Solid Ground by Mark Finley, and it's so far, phenomenal! 

I know that this plan isn't fool proof and I know that I will fail but the important thing is that I keep trying and I keep making the effort to make time available for God. I continually pray for His help in reminding me that I need to put my phone down, and pick up His book instead. My days have started out much better because of this. My attitude is different. I don't drag as much now as I push. Instead of feeling defeated about the day ahead, I am hopeful and I am feeling much happier and so much more inspired! 

If you're having trouble finding the time to fit Bible Study or Devotions into your day consider these couple options:

1. Do you have a reading age child that you drive to school, to after school events, etc? Have them read your devotional to you while you are driving. 

2. Do you have a job where you can listen to music or watch movies during the day? I process so I am able to plug in my earbuds and drown out the world. Consider downloading devotions or the Bible onto your iPod and worship while you work. 

3. Do you have a CD player in your car or a CD player you can put in your bathroom? Consider purchasing Devotions on CD and listening while you're getting ready in the morning or while you drive to or home from work. Here are a few that I think look really interesting and by some of my favorite authors...and huge bonus...they are really reasonably priced and when you're done you can always loan them out to your friends :)

Devotions from the Beth Moore Library

Devotions from the Beth Moore Library Vol. 2

LifeWay Women's Devotional

Devotional Audio Books

Hearing From God Each Morning

A plethora of Audio books and devotions

Do you guys have goals and ideas for making time with Christ that you want to share? Because I would LOVE to hear them!! 

Proverbs 31 Woman

In my description you see that I say that I am a "striving Proverbs 31 Woman". What does that mean you might wonder? I aim to tell you...
I ran across a website a few years ago that immediately captured my heart called Proverbs 31 Ministry and they are women who strive to be Biblical, loving, caring, Godly wives and mothers. They provide daily devotionals, inspiration, books, and advice for the every day mom and wife to become closer to Christ and more Christ-like in practical in their/your every day lives. 

Taken from AVirtousWoman.org

Proverbs is one of my all time favorite books because wisdom is at the very heart of the book of Proverbs. Most of the book was written by King Solomon, whom God blessed with the gift of great wisdom. Proverbs allows us to delve into subjects as varies as money, relationships, folly, adultery, child-rearing, contentment, and choosing good companions. Proverbs is in my opinion one of thee most practical books of the Bible because its full of messages that apply to our every day lives no matter what decade we live in. The book is literally a treasure trove of advice. Godly wisdom is one of life's most important  and valuable pursuits, worth much more than material wealth. People can choose to read this book monthly, one chapter each day, to be sure to keep the lessons learned at the front of their minds. If you have never read Proverbs I strongly encourage you to do so and if you are a wife and mom specifically Proverbs 31:10-31 which talks about The Wife Of Noble Character. While I am in love with these particular books of Proverbs, I know that the entire book is critical in applying Godly wisdom to every situation in every day. 

I grew up reading and memorizing Scripture. It's incredibly important for us to spend time in God's Word because the Holy Spirit speaks through us. We can pray for wisdom until we're blue in the face and we can ask for the Holy Spirit to speak through us but The Holy Spirit cannot and will not speak through us unless we take the time to memorize Scripture and have it hidden in our hearts and available for when we need it. We are going to encounter many situations on a daily basis where we will have a chance to witness to those around us. If you don't already have Scripture hidden in your heart then what are you going to draw from when it's time to witness or when it's time to defend or stand up for what you believe and claim to live? Bottom line, what I am saying, is that we have got to memorize versus that back up our claims for our Christian lifestyle and so that we understand what we believe and why we believe it. Having Scripture hidden in our hearts will seep out into every single faucet of our lives. Not only is it important and critical but it makes us happier. I want to help you memorize Proverbs so I've picked out some of my favorite versus for your Scripture reading plan and memory verse plan for 2015. I PROMISE you that by memorizing these simple and practical versus, your life will change. You will start relating to people and situations in your life differently because you will be able to apply these to your life very easily! 

Once you decide to read through Proverbs and memorize these Scriptures and find the ones that you love the most I would love to hear from you on how they affect you and how you've been able to apply them to your life. Please...I love to hear from you! 

Getting Rid of Negativity in Your Life

As sinful human beings born into a sinful world it is a natural reaction to think negatively. Our minds are hard wired to detect and dwell on negative events and circumstances. There are so many things in the world to be negative about right? Life isn't easy and in fact a large majority of the time it's just downright hard. No one wants to go to work. No one wants to pay bills. No one wants to struggle to get through the day with annoyances like other people. We have an evolutionary imprint called the negativity bias or the instinct to have a greater sensitivity to negative events rather than positive ones. This is why the Bible talks so much about our minds and taking control of what we think and how we speak.
So how can we overcome this negativity bias? How can we kick negativity to the curb and be positive, happy, and inspirational people? I have a few ideas if you'll entertain me... 

1. Throw them out, literally. 

Have you ever written a letter to someone and burned it instead of actually giving it to them? Have you ever journaled? Have you ever written a message and put it in a balloon and sent it up in the sky or put it in a bottle and threw in in a river? It's the same premise. Write down your negative feelings and thoughts about people or circumstances and then rip them up and throw them away. There is a psychological premise behind this. There was a study done at Ohio State University where a group of people were asked to write down their negative thoughts on paper and then throw them in the garbage. Another group was asked to keep the pieces of paper with the negative thoughts. Researchers discovered that by throwing away the negative pieces of paper it literally helped discard the thought mentally. However you perceive your pieces of paper, whether trash or worthy of keeping, makes a difference in how you use those thoughts.

2. Express gratitude and thankfulness. 

I was able to find approximately 74 verses in the Bible that talk about expressing gratitude and thankfulness, giving praise to God and speaking positively. One of my favorites is a memory verse from childhood that is also a song we used to sing in praise and worship..."This is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" Psalm 118:24.

Our memories are not carved in stone. We choose what we remember. Our minds are awesome creations that allow us to block out certain memories because of trauma or other negativity, or to magnify them them. By concentrating on negative memories or thoughts we begin to ruminate about them. Ruminating on the negativity will harden our hearts eventually and we will turn into little balls of anger. Fortunately, our minds are able to express gratitude and by expressing gratitude we are able to remember positive memories and we are even able to transform negative memories into positive ones. We are mentally able to turn negative into positive. Negative cannot live where positive lives, just like darkness cannot live where light lives. John 1:5 says, "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it". 

3. Get rid of negative people. 

Let's be honest here, people are annoying. Whether it's our parents, our children, our co-workers, our boss, the person standing in line in front of you at the store, some guy in the car next to you, or a neighbor. Life is full of annoying people. We're human beings and we do and say annoying things. But there is a difference between those people and the general annoyances they bring to our lives that are easily manageable and the people who deliberately do things and say things to bring negativity into our lives. We have to create boundaries in our lives and learn to say no to negative people. We do not have to tolerate people in our lives that bring us down, make us feel bad about ourselves, speak badly to us and about us, or make us feel that we are unlovable. We do not have to tolerate people to are constantly negative to us and towards us. It doesn't matter how close someone is to us, whether family or friend, you have to define your boundaries and you have to stick to them. It's ok to cut negative people out of your life. You do not have to allow them to dull your shine for one more day. When someone begins speaking negative words, walk away, cut off the conversation, and teach them that you will not tolerate that in your life. They will either change their behavior or they will remove themselves from your life because they will realize you will not entertain their negativity.

4. Stop complaining. 

It's easy to complain about things. That job you hate, the bills you have to pay, the annoying neighbor, the paper you have to write, the laundry you have to do, etc, etc, etc. When we complain we create un-necessary negativity because we're speaking negative words. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm probably the worst about complaining. But I've tried it, and I've realized that the minute I open my mouth to complain and I think before I speak and just stop the words, I instantly feel better. There are things in life we just don't want to do but we have to. There is no getting around going to work if you want to have a roof over your head, food on your table, and clothes on your back. Same with paying bills. Laundry doesn't fold itself and if you want to get a good grade, you do your work and that includes writing your paper or taking your test. There really is no reason to complain because we're lucky enough to even be alive every day to have something to complain about. When you start to complain, just stop and think about someone who has it worse than you. 

5. Don't engage in negative social media. 

Negativity is all over social media. Facebook is chocked full of negative news articles and negative people posting negative complaining comments. I have fallen victim too many times of seeing a negative or ignorant post and commenting on it or re-posting it and the snowball effect is just amazing. Before long I find myself de-friended or blocked by someone or de-friending and blocking someone out of anger and then later feeling bad about it and wishing I could take back what I said. It's super easy to fight with people when you're hiding behind a computer screen and typically the things we say to each other on social media, we would never say to the person if really standing face to face. Delete the negative friends who constantly complain. If they're really your friend they will understand that you're trying to make changes in your life and not take it personally. In fact it may even challenge them to make some changes too. It's easy to re-friend someone. Delete or "un-like" negative pages that spew nothing but negative articles that promote racism, negative politics, anti-religious speak, etc. Those are my personal triggers so you need to be specific about your triggers. Just get rid of them. It's not worth your time. The best gift you can give your friends and family is your happiness and the more of it we spread on social media the better. Choose happiness and positivity and spread that stuff all over social media! It's contagious! 

I know that none of this is easy. These are all things I struggle with daily. I know however that I have to try. And that's all you can do too. The truth is, we will never be completely free of negative thoughts or people. We don't necessarily need to be because negative thoughts and emotions are a natural part of the human condition. In fact, a healthy dose of negativity can be just the kick in the pants you need for change. Acknowledge your negative thoughts, embrace them, and thank your brain for communicating with you, but take steps to at least change your relationship with your negative thoughts. Don't live another day letting negative thoughts or people control you, your attitude, or your emotions because it's far to easy to control them! 

Let Go and Move on with your Bad Self!

Raise your hand if you've never been hurt or offended by someone....

Crickets....Crickets....Crickets....

That's what I thought. We've all been hurt. We've all been wronged. We've all been cheated. We've all experienced that hot knife of betrayal. We've all had some sort of experience at the hand of another person that has crushed us. We've been cheated on, we've been lied to, we've been stolen from, we've been talked about and slandered, and bullied. It hurts. I get that. Emotional pain is one of the hardest things to get past because it's extremely easy to let that pain fester and build into anger and resentment and we easily allow the thoughts of revenge into our minds and hearts. What we do with that hurt is more important however that the hurt itself. Would you prefer to wallow in that pain and constantly demand answers and spin your wheels in memories that you cannot change or would you rather live your life free of emotional pain and break the chains of bondage that the past can keep on you? 

The Blame Game

Blaming other people for our hurt and emotional pain is typically the first place we start. Somebody did something to wrong us in some way that really mattered to us. We want an explanation and we demand an apology. We want them to acknowledge to us that they've hurt us and then we demand that they explain all the why's and what's of what they did. We beat them over the head with their offense. Blaming other people will only in the end leave you powerless. Sometimes there are no answers for the reasons people have hurt you. Typically people don't even realize in the moment that their action is going to hurt you or betray you. And typically, the person hurting you, has also been hurt. Hurt people, hurt people. When you continually blame people you give them the power. When you confront the person and demand answers that they don't give you, you are left with anger and hurt and no resolution. Your feelings are legit. You have a right to feel them, they are important. But once you have felt those feelings, you need to deal with them and then move on. Nursing your grievances against another person is a bad habit and it hurts you more than it hurts them. Most of the time when you're still setting and blaming them and hurting over their offense, they have moved on and aren't even thinking about you or what they did to you. 

Stop Playing the Victim

Being the victim feels good. It's like being on the winning side of the team of you against the world. Guess what? The larger part of the world, doesn't care. Ouch! I know. That hurts to hear. It hurts to think that the world doesn't revolve around you and doesn't constantly think how you think, feel how you feel, or hurt how you hurt. You just need to get over yourself. Yes, you're special. You matter. Your feelings matter. Your hurts matter. But don't confuse  "your feelings matter" with "your feelings should override all else, and nothing else matters". You and your feelings are just one small part of the grand scheme of things and you are interwoven into this big complex and messy world. You, and you alone have the chance and choice every minute, every day, every week, and every year to continue to feel bad about other person's actions, or to start feeling good and feeling happy. You need to take responsibility for your actions and your life. You have the power over your own happiness, and not to put such great power into another persons hands. If they're no longer thinking about what they did to you then why would you give them such great power of living in a past with them where they are no longer living instead of living right here, right now, in the present? Stop playing the victim of the past and look forward to the future. 

Forgive...even if you can't forget

There are a million cliches about forgiveness and let me tell you something...they are all true. Forgiveness doesn't excuse the person's behavior. Forgiveness doesn't mean you are weak. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you forget about what happened to you. Forgiveness isn't for the other person, it is for you. Forgiveness lets the past be in the past. It releases you from the bondage of hurt feelings and past offenses. It releases you from the person that hurt you. You don't forget. You will always remember. Those hurt moments in your life shape you and contribute to your self worth, your esteem, your decisions, and your future. You remember that experience that happened and what you're supposed to do is learn from it and not make a bad choice or decision again. What you're not supposed to do is let it hold you hostage. What forgiveness does is softens our hearts to the fact that not one person in this entire universe is perfect. There was only one perfect person that walked this earth and that was Jesus Christ. When you are hurt and offended and want to hold the past against someone or beat them over the head with the "sin" they committed against you, ask yourself one simple question....What Would Jesus Do? When we sin against God all we have to do is ask Him for His mercy and forgiveness and His grace and it's done. He takes those sins and He throws them into the depths of the ocean and He never thinks of them again. "You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl our inequities into the depths of the sea" Micah 7:19. Forgiveness is a way of empathizing with the other person, and trying to see things from their point of view, and ultimately, having mercy on another person.  You may never get an apology from the person that wronged you. You may never get an explanation. You ultimately have got to live your life with an apology you may never get. 

Be Accountable

Express your pain, your hurt, and your anger, when you are able whether it's directly to the person who wronged you, or whether you write a letter you never mail, or whether you journal the pain, or whether you pray about the pain. Get it our of your system and then move on. Stop bashing the person over the head with it. Stop asking the same questions over and over. Stop expecting things you will never get. Getting it out will help you understand what specifically you are hurting about and then allow you to take accountability for your own part. Are you holding onto a grudge that you need to let go? Were you part of the problem? We don't live in a black and white world, even when it sometimes feels like we do. While you may not have had the same amount of responsibility for the hurt you are experiencing as the person that hurt you, there may have been a part of the hurt that you are also partially responsible for. What could you do differently next time? Are you an active participant in your own life, or are you simply a hopeless victim? Will you let your past and your pain become your identity or are you someone deeper and more complex than that? Are you withholding joy from your life and others lives because of the pain and hurt you feel or the offense against you? Are you robbing others in your life of you because you can't get past something that happened to you? Take accountability for your life and your actions! 

None of this is easy stuff. I know it's hard. I am as guilty as the next guy for holding grudges and recycling offenses against me like little reels of tape in my mind. But pain, if held onto for too long can soon become like an old friend. Justified. Like it would be catastrophic if you just let it go. Grudges create little holes in your heart that allow Satan to walk into like an open door and fester and grow until your heart is so black that no joy and no thought of better life could ever possibly be possible. Living this way is not the life that Christ had planned for you. Your Creator did not design you to live in the past. By holding onto things that cannot be changed you are not living for Him. Satan wins by keeping you offended because if you are offended you are not being active for God. You cannot live God's will if you are resentful and hurt and angry. Nobody's life should be defined by their pain. It's not healthy and it's not normal. It only adds stress to our lives and it hurts our ability to focus, to study and to work, and it impacts every other relationship we have. Every day you choose to hold onto the pain is another day everybody around you has to live with that decision. Living in the past and holding onto that pain has consequences for you and everyone around you. 

Remember, if we crowd our brains and lives, with hurt and offended feelings, we have very little room for anything else, including joy. It's a choice you're making to continue to feel the hurt rather than welcoming joy and contentment into your life. No amount of rumination or analyses has ever fixed a relationship problem. Never. Not in the entirety of the world's history. Stop dwelling on things that cannot be changed. When your past comes calling...HANG UP THE PHONE!