Ok...I'm sober...now what?

Quitting any bad habit or addiction is as much about changing surroundings, people, and schedules as it is about remaining dry. To break a bad habit, you have to replace that bad behavior with new positive behavior. To quit an addiction not only requires that you quit the substance but it also requires that you change your routine and supplement the negative using behaviors and patterns with positive and healthy ones.

I have found in my 51 days sober (today) that I have many triggers and if I do not keep myself busy my mind can drift to wanting to drink pretty quickly. Although I would say that after the first 2 weeks the cravings really weren't as horrible as I had anticipated. I thank the Lord for that! I've had my stressor and trigger moments for sure but with His help I have passed through them with not a significant amount of pain.
Prior to getting sober if you would have asked me what I do for fun, I would have said, nothing. I do nothing. I go to work, I come home, I cook, I do school work, I go to bed. Occasionally I would go visit with friends to drink in a different environment but other than that, I did a lot of isolating. If I would have told you what I thought sobriety would have looked like, I would have given you a big thumbs down, booooorrrrring. But honestly, my life was boring even being drunk. What I have discovered this side of sober is that I feel completely different. My life actually is just beginning. Nothing was as boring as a half-lived, forced, sad, or redundant life as that that requires alcohol to live it. I did not need alcohol to enjoy entertaining myself before I started drinking and I don't need it now. My goal is to make my life feel as though I never drank a drop in my life.

So what do I do now? I do the same exact things really, except now, I get to really experience them. I get to experience life without having the fog of alcohol on my brain, I get to see things through a sober lens, I get to feel actual real feelings without the contempt I once had and the feeling that everyone was out to get me and was against me. I feel clear, I feel happy, I feel content, I am starting to really feel normal again and that is the best feeling in the world. DOING NORMAL THINGS ARE FUN!!! I sure never expected to feel this way. I had completely forgotten what it felt like to read a book, go shopping, set outside and enjoy the sun, do yard work, watch tv, cook, or simply just set and talk to my son. Toward the end of my drinking career these things all felt so torturous at times, so monotonous, so much so that I had to incorporate drinking to make them more enjoyable or interesting. This is not uncommon. Drinking alcohol artificially activates the pleasure center of the brain at above normal levels, and over time the brain has to compensate for this over-stimulation, trying to re-establish homeostasis by dulling our ability to receive pleasure from normal things. As a result we are literally not motivated to do the things we normally would love to do, and when we do, we don't get as much joy from them. Removing alcohol from my life has allowed me to actually enjoy the mundane in life and actually and genuinely enjoy it. A week ago, I was actually thrilled to go out and pick weeds out of my yard and sweat in 90+ degree heat. I WAS THRILLED!! Before I quit drinking, I would have came up with every excuse in the book to avoid that task.

The habits I have now created are making sure that I get up early and spend time with God. I have taken up the hobby of Bible Journaling, which I will share with you in the near future in another blog. I do my school work with a clear brain and I don't dread doing it. I am learning so many things about addiction and substance abuse and psychology and I can literally feel my brain healing and creating new bumps!! I enjoy watching a good movie or tv show without pausing it a million times to get up and refresh my drink and pee. I love to get outside now and see nature and the animals that make my property their home. I have picked up blogging again. I have also taken up being a pen-pal and setting down and writing genuine and caring letters to people and being creative. As time has expanded without numbing agents, the world has became so much more vivid and big and so has my need to bring forth creativity that has been locked inside me. Cooking no longer seems like such a mundane task because now I am eating healthy and I am enjoying tasting new things and creating new recipes. I am actually enjoying eating at a decent time and eating a full meal instead of waiting until 8 or 9 at night and either eating junk or wasting food. I even enjoy doing things like cleaning my house and laundry which is a HUGE change.
You might ask, well what do you drink now that you're not drinking alcohol? As I mentioned in my previous blog in the first few weeks of my sobriety I probably drank 20 gallons of lemon water. Now I enjoy not only that but making delicious and healthy smoothies, and I have been experimenting with flavored carbonated waters.  I love to snack on pumpkin seeds and nuts and cheese, fruit, beef jerky, popcorn, and yogurt. I have lost weight which is so awesome, I am no longer bloated, and I no longer feel like a worthless piece of crap taking up valuable space and air. I have started working out and while that is still something I do not completely enjoy, I am going to force myself to make that part of my routine because I know eventually I will like it and I will see results.

I am definitely still very much an Introvert and enjoy my alone time but now my alone time feels productive and creative and warm, instead of accusing and lonely. Instead of setting and feeling sorry for myself or dwelling on all the things I've done wrong, or all the people I've hurt or turned away, or all the people that have hurt me and how much I hate them and how I want revenge against them, I now think about how much I love everyone and everything. I am now remembering all the good things about people that I used to despise and laughing about them. I am no longer easily annoyed and agitated at the little things in life. I am choosing to be positive, I am choosing joy, I am choosing to be grateful. I daydream about my future and all the great things I want to do and I have found forgiveness in my heart that I didn't know existed. I'm no longer annoyed by going to the grocery store, or driving, or being in public. I used to just absolutely despise and hate people but now...well, I still get pretty disgusted with people but I am able to tame my feelings and be humbled by the fact that the Universe no longer revolves around me and my feelings.

"Alcohol addiction stunts the spiritual, emotional, and mental growth of a person. For the alcoholic, they literally stop wanting to learn or advance themselves on any level other than the one they are already on. This is why many alcoholics are emotionally stunted and are unable to contain their emotions. Many alcoholics believe that once they are sober for a few months they are cured. Nothing could be further from the truth. An alcoholic is not cured just because they stopped drinking. Remember, "the drinking" for the alcoholic is only a symptom of an underlying problem within him or her. Total sobriety takes more than abstinence--it takes a spiritual and mental awareness through healing and growth. I have never yet read about, or heard of a case where an alcoholic stopped drinking, but then years later they were able to drink one or two drinks and stop." --ANGIE LEWIS, The Alcoholism Trap

One of the biggest side effects of sobriety is that we begin to see the world with different and new eyes. We begin to feel things in our hearts in a new and more meaningful way. I am in total awe at the world around me and so much more aware of others and their feelings. I am walking with intent and looking at where I am going and where I have been, and admiring the wonder of the world we live in, how we got here, how miraculous it is that we make it through every day, and how insane it is that we are a tiny dot within an infinite universe that God has blessed us with, and what a privilege it is to be alive. I have found myself and again and I am beginning to life myself again. Before while I was drinking I over analyzed myself constantly. I thought every thing about myself was wrong including my tastes, my style, my heart, my opinions, that I was a liar, a cheater, a falsity, and a pathetic human being that did not deserve to be loved. Now I have discovered that I am pretty cool! I have a lot to offer. I have confidence in myself and my talents, and I am thankful for every breath that I take and I absorb compliments and love with such gratitude and humbleness.

There are SO many positives about not drinking than there are for drinking so when I hear someone say how boring life is without alcohol I just want to remind them of a few facts that I have experienced in the last 51 days...
1. You will immediately start having more money. No more blowing money on booze and then feeling guilty about it.
2. Your brain will begin to heal and that foggy feeling will slowly but surely go away.
3. Your liver will begin to rejuvenate and repair itself in as little as two months and you will notice dramatic improvement in your skin as well as your vision.
4. Your face will being to clear up and your complexion will show it. Drinking causes our facial features to deteriorate, and our skin to look dull and dirty. So get used to your friends and family telling you how great you look!
5. You will never again have to face a hangover. GLORIOUS!!!!
6. You will start to feel remarkably better within just a few days with renewed energy and you will start to feel like you have been given a second chance, and you have!
7. No more random drunk texts or Facebook posts that you have to go back and apologize for or delete and feel embarrassed about for days.
8. Your natural energy will return and you will find that you're sleeping soundly and awakening more refreshed. You no longer have to fight and struggle to overcome the previous nights drinking or rely on caffeine to make it through the day.
9. No more late night runs to the gas station for more booze...and no more worrying about whether you have any in the house.
10. Even if you're the type (like me) who loves sleep and hits the snooze button, you'll be amazed at how much better you feel when you wake up and that feeling will be the new normal.
11. No more missing work because of a hangover and then feeling weird going back the next day because you missed a day. Even if you really hate your job, you'll have the energy to look for a new one and being sober will be a bonus for looking great at your interview!
12. Your five senses will return better than ever. Your hearing and vision will improve, food will taste and smell better, and every touch will mean more than ever seemed to.
13. Your friends and family will admire you for having the strength to quit and you will be a great example to them as to how they can improve their lives as well.
14. You will no longer feel trapped by addiction. You will feel like you've been released from prison, and speaking of prison...you can stop looking in your rear view mirror to make sure the cops aren't going to pull you over for driving intoxicated.
15. Even the little things will start feeling amazing like the sun on your face, taking a walk, or gazing up at the stars at night.
16. NOTHING will ever come between you and your Creator again. You will being to appreciate the miracle of life, and the astonishing fact that YOU are alive.
17. You will feel better than you have in years because all the sickness and tiredness that you've felt will be a thing of the past. You will have an overall sense of well-being as your mind, body, and soul become healthier and stronger.
18. You will feel more empowered with a new sense of self-worth because there is nothing like overcoming a major obstacle to make you feel proud and self-confident.
19. You will constantly smile and laugh and it will actually be genuine, not the drunken stupidity of the past.
20. You will realize how many blessings you have.
21. You will be more optimistic about your future.
22. All the little aches and pains throughout your body will slowly and surely go away. Alcohol magnifies all those little aches and pains because it was constantly robbing your body of the necessary nutrients by preventing vitamin absorption. Without alcohol in the way, those aches and pains will soon be a thing of the past!!

Still think that removing alcohol from your life is boring or not worth the time? I know that this is my journey, and not yours but if you have been feeling the opposite of anything I listed above, you might have a problem and you might want to take a look at making some changes.

I can tell you as a drinker of over 12+ years...I LOVE BEING SOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!