Let me tell you something about FAMILY...

When I was growing up I thought I had a pretty big family. I had Grandparents and Great-Grandparents that lived very close. In fact, right in the same neighborhood. I had cousins and Aunts and Uncles that lived close. I remember vividly having wonderful family get together's right outside my door. It was because of two great people that we were all so close.

My Grandma and Grandpa Courtney were thee patriarchs of our family. They were the central point where everyone gathered. They were the reason that we gathered. They are my real first memory of what family was and is. They were strong, they were loving, they were problem solvers, they were fun...they made all of us. I saw something funny on Facebook the other day about a Grandma that was in the midst of a family get together and said, "If it wasn't for my vagina, all these people wouldn't be here". Well, that totally reminds me of these two because if it wasn't for them...

Once my Grandma passed away and my Grandpa became too sick to continue the family get together's we all drifted apart. We all became to busy with our own lives to make time for each other and of course in every family, there is always some sort of drama or dispute over something that drives rifts between people that are supposed to love each other. Luckily over the years I've been able to create my own relationships with my cousins and Aunts and Uncles and I choose to make sure the relationships and communication stay there because I value them in my life.
Because of family drama on my mom's side of the family I never got to spend time with them. It wasn't until my Grandpa became sick that we started spending time with them and it was only on holidays that I got to see any of my Aunts or Uncles or Cousins. Luckily with the invention of Facebook I've now been able to get to know them all and we get to see each other more often. It is sad though that I missed out on so much of my family because of some stupid dispute that the adults couldn't solve.

When I met my husband I thought all of this "small family" business was going to change. He has a big family on both sides that all seemed very close and spent a lot of time together and I was excited at the possibility of having an extended family that would love me like their own. I do have some very special memories of time spent with them but, I also have some really bad ones as well. You see, sometimes personalities just don't mesh, even when you try so hard to please people. Over the last 15 years we have went back and forth and back and forth, fighting, bickering, not speaking to each other, and abusing one another. Of course we all have our stories of why this has happened and we all have blame to place. The one thing I know for sure is that my son and my nieces and nephews are like me as kid, missing out.

I started writing this blog on my son's 14th birthday June 14th. It's taken me some time to get my thoughts together because while his birthday is so special to his Dad and me, it doesn't seem to be very special to other people so with happiness, it also brings sadness. It brings memories of past birthdays that have been ruined because of the attitudes of family members who have never accepted me or my son. It's beyond me how grandparents can choose to have nothing to do with their grandchild but I've had to learn to live past the pain of it and just accept that it is what it is and just double and sometimes triple the love we give to him. We have had to surround ourselves with people that value us, that love us, and that choose us to be in their lives as much as we choose to be in theirs. We have had to mourn the loss of this family that has completely cut us out of their lives for reasons we just can't comprehend and instead embrace even tighter the ones who are there for us.

In the midst of the sadness we realize however that "family" isn't always blood. They aren't always people that you've grown up with or spent years with. We have my parents, my mom and my "other" Dad, Ken. If you know me, you know that I despise the word "step" when it refers to parents or in-laws and my "other" Dad doesn't deserve to be called a "step" Dad because he's more to me than that simple and rude word. He came into my Mom's life and he loved her and he took care of her and along with that he welcomed me into his family and a part of their lives. His friends became our friends and his family are our family. When our little Killian was born Ken instantly became "Papa" and they developed a very strong bond right away. Ken never looked or treated Killian as anything other than his Grandson and the fact that blood didn't connect them didn't matter a bit. The same went for all of his family. Years ago when Killian was very little he started calling Ken's brother John, Uncle John John. It was so sweet and so pure and it stuck and now we all call him Uncle John John. He looks at me and Killian as much as a neice and nephew as he does his blood relatives. He proves that by the way he signs Killian's birthday cards...

We have friends in our lives that we value and friendships that developed years and years ago and these friends have become part of our family. It doesn't matter how long we go without talking or seeing each other, we pick right up where we left off. I thank God for them because I know He gave them to us to make up for what we might be missing elsewhere.

So while there are times that we are sad and become bitter over things we can't control, thank God there are moments where He steps in and shows us that He is making up for what we think we've lost. I have to trust His plan and know that all things work together for His good.

What painful family stories do you have that you want to share? What things have you done to accept the situation for what it is or what things have you done to try and change it? I want to hear from you!