So just to catch you up...on May 17th 2014, I was hanging out at my BFF's house, having a great time when all hell dumped down on me in a one single stupid klutzy moment. I walked down two steps and missed one and down I went. Broken ankle. Having went through a severe car accident when I was just 13 that literally almost killed me, and tons of other terrible and heartbreaking crap in my adult life that I thought might have just about emotionally killed me...I can say this is just about thee worst thing that has happened to me both physically and emotionally. I spent 4 weeks in a non-weight bearing cast and basically bed ridden because of the pain and just not being good on my crutches.
When I went to the ortho for my 3 week appointment I had really high hopes that I would get out of my cast and into a walking boot but that didn't happen.
Instead I came home in this stupid shoe and was told that I could "start" putting weight on it. The shoe didn't help one bit because the bottom of my cast was not flat so trying to walk around was useless. I ditched it after the first day.
I thankfully didn't deal with much itchiness in my cast or at least nothing that I couldn't handle but I did have tons of dry skin that wouldn't go away no matter how much lotion I put on my leg.
During this time my son's 14th birthday came which brought my parents up from Texas for his annual summer vacation trip down there with them. This is usually the best time of the year for me. It's summer time, it's my kiddo's birthday, my mom and I get to spend one on one time together, we always go out to eat, and just have a great time together. This year I was home bound the entire time. I was and still am really bad on these crutches and living on the 2nd floor of an apartment doesn't help. I can't get up and down the stairs on my crutches so I have to sit down on my butt and scoot down and up them which is exhausting. I am really really out of shape in case you're thinking, wow...that chick is a wimp. My arms just aren't strong enough to carry my full body weight for that long and I'm realizing at this point that I have been my own worst enemy for being so lazy about losing weight and working out. So, while everyone was out having a great time I was home feeling sorry for myself, in pain, unable to really get around, and the depression was setting in, big time. I was missing everything and feeling it.
My right leg has been bearing all the weight for my body at this point for a little over 4 weeks and it's starting to feel it. It swells constantly and I have to wear a brace on it to keep the swelling down and keep it from hurting.
I took the above picture 4 days before I got my cast off and posted in my Kevin Hart voice..."All day...every day"... I was so ready to get this cast off. In tears basically every day I was just done with this injury and looking really forward to getting back to work. Yes, I have not been working. I've been on short term disability this entire time. I can't shower so sponge bathing every morning, butt scooting down and up my stairs and crutching across a gigantic parking lot to get into work is just not appealing nor physically possible for me right now. But, I was so ready to get back to it.
I went on Monday June 30th for my 6 week appointment looking forward to the cast coming off and thinking I would be put in a walking boot and able to finally get back to work and back to my life. I got the cast off and was shocked! The shear amount of dry skin was so disgusting. It didn't stink as bad as I thought it would so that was a relief. When I went to get xrays it was so weird because I had to use my crutches and doing that without my foot solid in this cast was a weird feeling. It was flopping around and weak and unstable. Geez you guys, I thought I was unstable on crutches in the cast but the way I felt without the cast...wow, what a difference. I get back from xray and Dr comes in and tells me that the bone is healed and I can start walking with my crutches until I feel comfortable without them. I was so full of questions and in awe that I could actually walk. I asked if I should wrap it up, what kind of shoes I should wear, how to get up and down stairs, etc. He basically said, whatever you feel comfortable with. At this point I am thinking he's going to put my walking boot on and so I ask if it's ok to wrap it under the walking boot and he says, I don't want you in the boot. SHOCK! What????!!! You mean I can just walk out of here with nothing on my foot????
No follow up appointment, no physical therapy, no walking boot...nothing. I was told that I would have some swelling for a few months and that was it. Dismissed. Dr was gone.
The next thing that happened was nothing I expected because I wasn't told...my ankle and leg was so weak and sore. I stepped down on my foot and it was immediate pins and needles and weakness. I walked out on my crutches very slowly and very carefully. I was in shock the whole ride home. I thought as soon as I got my cast off that I would just walk and everything would fine but that was not the case.
I got home and just toodled around on my crutches and was feeling pretty good for awhile. I was in total relief that I had this stupid cast off and my leg and foot could actually breathe. It's covered in 6 weeks of hair and dry dead skin but....whew!!! Relief!!!
I went back to work the next day. Even though I was told that he didn't want me in the walking boot, I put it on anyway because I just didn't feel safe without it. The walk into work usually takes me about 5-8 minutes but this day, it took me 20. Luckily one of the managers came walking up behind me and offered to carry some of my things and opened the door for me. It was nice being back and getting all the excited welcomes and wanting the story and feeling like I was missed. I was fine for most of the day but the walk back to my car at the end of the day was very hard and as soon as I got into my car I started crying. It was a very stressful and eventful day. I got home and butt crawled up the stairs and the minute I hobbled into the apartment the tears just really broke free and I was a incoherent bawling mess, sweating my ass off, exhausted both emotionally and physically, it just came out. I got my boot off and my foot and leg were so swollen and sore and I was pissed. I didn't expect it to be this hard.
Second day, just as bad. Very slow. Very sore. Third day, I've about had it. I go to work without my boot thinking it might be easier but my leg and foot ached so badly that I was in tears that I was hiding from everyone. Nothing feels worse than crying alone and trying to hide it from everyone while trying to put on a brave face.
I called my ortho and asked for a handicapped parking pass because the walk into my building is just to damn hard. I wad denied saying he wanted me walking. Well, I get that. But, giving me a little advantage doesn't seem that hard to me. He obviously doesn't get how far I have to walk and how hard it is. I ended up being able to get one from my regular physician without even having to talk to her or paying a co-pay and in my head I told my ortho to SUCK IT! He hasn't done anything for me. He didn't tell me what to expect at all. He didn't warn me how sore I would be or slow I would be. He didn't tell me how much pain I would be in. He didn't tell me anything and I am feeling really angry.
Now on my fourth day I am having stabbing pains running up the back of my leg and I am really really sore. Luckily the swelling has went down and little bit but this is just showing me how much muscle atrophy I have and it's very depressing.
I am in constant pain. My elbows hurt from the pressure of the crutches. My right ankle hurts from all the pressure it's bearing for my whole body. My "healing" broken ankle hurts because it's not strong enough to walk on. My back hurts from all the weight and strain. I basically cannot walk or move without pain in my entire body. I have been doing research on muscle atrophy and exercises to do after breaking an ankle and I've been doing them. But I am angry because I've had to do all this by myself without guidance from my Dr and then he denies me a handicapped parking pass...I'm just really pissed. I feel like I didn't get the care that I needed or deserved from Dr. Shulte and I am just mad and depressed and sad.
The reactions I get from people vary. Some are very empathetic and talk to me and are encouraging and others are shocked and in awe and act stupid like they have never seen someone with an injury before, others are not empathetic at all and basically tell me to suck it up and think about others who have it worse than me, others tell me it will all be fine and they don't understand why I am being so dramatic. It's all a big ball of strange emotion that I have never felt before. I am angry and frustrated because I am in so much pain and I just want with all of my entire soul to be normal again. It is really hard to be positive and think about other people that have it worse when you can't take a step without being in pain and crying.
I have been depending on Christ this entire time to get me through this and I know that He has a plan for me and that He won't let me go through this alone. I know that this painful path He is letting me go down is for a reason and I know that He is carrying me and that He will bring me through it. That is what comforts me. I talk to Him the entire time I walk and I ask Him to protect me and to guide my path.
Thankfully He has given me my husband who broke his leg and was in a cast and on crutches for almost 6 months and knows the pain I am in. My husband has been my rock through this whole experience waiting on me hand and foot, doing all the grocery shopping by himself, taking me to my Dr appointments and being incredibly patient as I butt scoot up and down the stairs and as I cry like a baby when I'm done. I am thankful as sorry as I feel for myself because I know it could have been a lot worse but I have a long road ahead of me and I know that. That is probably the hardest thing is just knowing how slow of a process this is. I think that God is trying to teach me patience but at the same time I don't want to be so proud that I can even imagine what His plan is. I just know that I have to take each step one painful one at a time and put my faith in Him that something positive will come from this and I will find out what that is and be incredibly grateful for the experience.
Until that happens I just want everyone to know that is just starting this journey that it's ok to feel bad, to feel sad, to feel angry, to depend on other people, to ask for help, to feel sorry for yourself. I know that I'll eventually be ok and you will be too. It's just a long road but don't feel bad for feeling bad on that road.
Very nice pink cast.It seems that you broke your ankle very bad,Has your ankle tottaly healed?Hope you feel better and dont have any pain.
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