Turn your negative...Positive!

I don't know about you guys but I think genetics plays a huge role in just about everything and whether it's nature or nurture, I also think that genetics plays a part in how we generally feel and how we speak to ourselves. I come from a background of just general negativity. My father is a real "debbie downer" and I grew up watching him be a negative person. I watched him negative self talk and negative talk to everyone around him. He rarely had a positive thing to say and most of the time things were very gloom and doom in our home. We couldn't really go anywhere, do anything, or plan anything because to him, there was no point. This was a really hard way to live for a growing girl who had the world at her fingertips and all sorts of wonderful dreams that should have came true.

My mom is at heart a dreamer and a naturally positive and fun little social butterfly and I am so thankful for that ying-yang I had growing up. If it weren't for her, I would be a whole lot more negative that I am now (which is usually pretty negative). 

At times I've tried to pass off my negativity by saying, "Oh, I'm just a realist". Which is partly true. I do pride myself on being real about things. I don't think that being delusional is any more of a positive trait than being a Negative Nancy. 

But, realism can also be a dream squasher if you let it negatively impact your scope of viewing things in life. For example, yes, I am discouraged with the world today, there are a ton of things that frankly just piss me off. That's real. Life sucks sometimes. Terrible things happen. Christians are persecuted. Children are murdered in the womb all in the name of "choice". Kids are kidnapped and murdered. Women are beaten by their husbands. Women are raped by complete strangers. Men are picked on and emasculated by fembot-nazi's and kept away from their children and not involved in any decision making in their own home. I could go on and on right? These things are real. Very real. But what I choose to do about them says a lot about myself. I can shut myself away and choose not to be a part of society because it's so dang repulsive, or I can choose to let my light shine and try and make a difference. I can try and come up with a solution to these issues and be productive, or I can become part of the problem. I talk to myself in negative demeaning ways that constantly keep me discouraged, or I can speak positive and true language that builds myself and others up, not down. It doesn't just happen. You have to change your behavior to get different results.

So what are ways that you accomplish turning your negative talk into positive talk? There are tons as I've discovered! 

1. Control your thoughts. The Bible says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." ~ Philippians 4: 8-9

You have to take charge of your mind. It takes effort and it takes practice but you can do it. Instead of saying, I can't, say, I'm going to try. When negativity seeps into your thought process, you have to take control of your thoughts and turn them the other direction. Starting out your day with just one positive thought can affect your whole day. I used to wake up and dread the day. The first thing that ran through my mind when my eyes popped open was, "Oh crap, here we go again. Wonder what idiot is going to piss me off today". Seriously, I did. How sad is that. Now when I open my eyes, I force myself to say, "Thank you Jesus for another day, please help it to be great!" I'm not saying it's easy and I'm not saying I don't have those days that negative thoughts seep into my brain. I am human living in a negative world. But I, nor you, have to do it all at once, baby steps are just fine! 

2. Read Scripture. I started something on my Facebook that I didn't know would even be read. But, when I don't do it, people say something. I started something I call, "A verse a day keeps the devil away". Each day (or at least I try each day, sometimes I miss a day or two) I post scripture that is relevant either to current things happening in the world or something that just struck my heart that day and made me feel better. Memorize scripture, dwell on it, let it seep into your brain so that the words play over and over in your mind. It's the bread of life and it's enough to sustain you. It's made to uplift you. And when you fill your mind with it, there isn't room for anything else. 

(If you aren't a religious person, that's ok, you can still fill your mind with positive words. There are tons of self-help books out there that are on the topic of positive speak. Find what works for you, but, don't reject something because it seems strange or outside of your realm. Step outside yourself and take a chance!)

3. Journal. Journaling has become such a huge help and relief to me throughout the years. Instead of throwing out my negativity to the world through being grumpy or mean or having a negative disposition I write what I am feeling down in my journal and I get it out of my head. I basically talk to myself and try and sort out why I feel the way I do. You can do this as a prayer journal or just as a normal dump book. The point is, get the negative out of your head so that you can put positive things in your head and change your outlook. 

4. Don't play the victim. You create your life. Take responsibility. Each day you make a choice to be a part of the problem or be a part of the solution. Don't dwell on the past and let it define your future. Don't use your past mistakes as an enabler to make future mistakes. Own your life. If you don't like something about yourself, your job, where you live, what you eat, etc, etc, do something about it. 

I realize that sometimes it's easier said that done but just setting and dwelling on your problem isn't going to make the problem go away. Thoughts can be sneaky little devils that can control everything you do and impact every area of your life if you let them. Again, it's about taking your thoughts captive and not allowing them to control you. 

5. Break old habits and create new ones. I have a ton of bad habits. Who doesn't right? But breaking just one bad habit and replacing it with a positive habit can have a huge affect on your life and how you think. If you have a habit of not exercising, change it. Instead of setting at your desk all day, get out and take a walk. Instead of popping down on your couch after dinner and watching your favorite show, DVR that sucker and go take a walk, alone or with your family. If you smoke, quit. If you drink to much, slow it down, or quit. If you eat to much junk food, start eating more healthy snacks. I know, I know...sounds sooooo easy right? Ha! No, it's not easy, never said it would be. But, as long as it took you to develop that habit, it will take just as long to break it so you better just go ahead and get it over with. And negative self talk, trust me, it's a habit. Break it. The more bad habits you break, the happier you will be, and the happier you are, the less negativity you will put out into the world. 

6. Help someone. Get out there and do something for someone else. It's really hard to speak negatively about yourself or others when you're helping someone. Go sign up to be a volunteer at a homeless shelter (if you're in Des Moines I know just the one for you!) Go volunteer to hold babies at the hospital or to read to sick kids on the cancer floor. Bake cookies or brownies or cook a meal and take it over to a neighbor. Go visit the elderly person down the street that probably is pretty lonely. Go wash someone's car, mow their lawn, babysit their child, run an errand. There are so many ways that you can help another person and again, it's extremely difficult to be a negative person when you are doing something so kind and helpful for someone else. Plus, it just might show you that your life isn't as bad as you thought it was.

7. Get a Positive Partner. It's a lot easier to do things when you have someone to hold you accountable. So either fill your life with positive people or get yourself a partner that will hold you accountable when you start to get negative. Hold them accountable as well. When you start seeing negativity seeping from someone's life, tell them. Give them a positive thought or action to think about or do instead. I have found that it's a lot easier to be objective about someone else's life than your own. When you're outside of a situation you can see things more clearly. When you take your mind off of your own problems and focus on someone else and trying to help them, it will be positive in your life as well.

8. Get rid of the negative people in your life. Just like finding positive people to fill your life, you have to get rid of the negative people as well. Do you have that person in your life that is just drama 24/7? That is constantly putting you down or making you feel guilty about something? We all have them. They can be a parent, a sibling, another family member, a boss, a "friend", someone at church, someone at your child's school, anyone. I know that it's hard to cut people out of your life, especially when they are family, but sometimes you just have to. God expects you to forgive those who have harmed you but He doesn't expect you to continue a destructive and negative relationship. You don't have to be held captive by someone just because you're tied to them by blood. You don't have to live with a spouse who destroys your soul. You don't have to continue being friends with someone who offers nothing to you that is good or positive. Break the tie and brush the dirt off your shoulder and move on!

9. Smile. When you feel bad on the inside it's pretty easy to look bad on the outside. But here is another way you have a choice to control yourself. Force yourself to smile. People will smile back, and even if they don't, at least you might have been the only positive in their day and that will make you feel pretty dang good about yourself.

10. Do things that make you happy. Music, reading, movies, my son, my husband, shopping, volunteering, school, friends, eating, cooking, church, the Bible, God and Jesus, talking, writing, and learning. All of these things make me happy. The more of them I do the happier I am. Fill your life with things you enjoy. When you're busy doing things fun, there is no time for the negative to get in. Music my friends is therapy. Get in your car and blast your favorite song and sing it as loud as you can! Focus on that music or book that lifts you up and makes you feel good.

11. Don't worry. Stop worrying about tomorrow and what tomorrow holds. Worry creates stress, stress creates negativity. To stay healthy, worry just enough for today and put faith in the only One that actually controls tomorrow.  The Bible says, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:24.

And finally, pray. Pray for positive things and they will come to you. Accept Jesus into your heart and you will naturally become a positive person. You can't control it, it just happens. I hope that I have helped you realize that you can control your life, you can control your actions, your thoughts, your feelings, and your world. Just doing this blog has helped me be a more positive person!!

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.