Personal Testimony

Today, instead of blogging about one of the thousand thoughts in my mind or working on the paper I have due this week, or reading one of the dozen books stacked on my coffee table calling my name, I was wasting some time on Pinterest. But...I think now I wasn't wasting time because I ran across a picture that inspired this blog.

So begins what I share tonight as my personal testimony... this is a long story so please, indulge me. 

I am going to share with you some things that normally people wouldn't share either because they are scared or possibly ashamed. I am both...but I don't want to hide anything because that would lesson the point of my message. I want to be as real and a raw as I can be so that you all can be inspired and blessed by my story. This is a difficult story to tell because while most of it is negative and bad, I have so many good memories and things I hold close to my heart. I think it's because in those bad things that I did, I grew and developed, and I learned about the real world and if it had not been for those experiences I probably wouldn't be the strong God fearing woman I am today. I feel as though I can experience shame about some decisions yet feel pride that I came out of them alive and better than ever! It's my story and we all have our own story and while there are things that we might regret, none of it is so bad that we can't look back and smile on some of it. 

To set the stage for my testimony I want to start by giving you some history about me...I am a Seventh-day Adventist. I was raised in a Christian home and school. I was dedicated to God as a baby and I attended church every Sabbath, along with Sabbath school and my normal education in a Christian school. I was raised around other Christians who believed the same things that I did. On Friday and Saturday night I was either at church, at home, or spending the night with my bestie Jamie and her family who I now consider my second parents/family. I never questioned how I was being raised or the activities that I participated in. Church and Jesus were my life and as a child, that is all I needed. As I grew older and into my teenage years I started to question things, rebel, and experiment with my own identity. My parents began having issues in their marriage that I became fully aware of when I was around 11 years old. Consequently they divorced when I was 13 and that event in my life was a huge turning point. ( If parents get anything out of my story it is that your children suffer when you make the choice to separate from each other, even if you try and do it in the most peaceable way possible. What you do and the choices you make will forever impact them.) My story is probably going to come off as a really bad reflection on my parents and while I hate that and I want to defend that, I simply cannot. I will say that I don't tell this to hurt my parents, to disrespect them, or to shame them in any way and I want to say that I love them both very much and I know that the decisions they made or the things I was allowed to do was done out of the very best that they had at that time and they both did what they could with what knowledge they had. 

Back to my history....At 12 years old I met some people who were not the normal crowd that I was used to at church and boy were they fun! I had a boyfriend, I was sneaking around behind my Dad's back, I was dabbling with alcohol, and listening to new music. When my parents divorced my Mom and I moved out on our own and that's when the party really started. I was FREE!! I was still attending church school and never once in my life did I deny the existence of God but He sure wasn't setting in the front seat in my journey anymore. In fact, He was replaced as my driving partner and Satan quickly took His place. Honestly, in my mind at that time I was just having a blast. I was a little social butterfly and I was on top of the world. By outer appearances you would have thought that I was a normal, happy, healthy teenager. On the inside I was dying inside. My family was torn apart. I was depressed. I was getting in trouble at school. I was making choices and decisions that I knew in the depths of my heart were wrong but Satan had me convinced that everything up to that point was what was wrong and that I deserved to be happy and to party and to do whatever I wanted. I even started getting involved with the occult and Satanism. Eventually I got involved with someone who was far to old for me and if I have to be completely honest, by all accounts would be considered today a child molester and one sick SOB for even looking twice in my direction. I was going to school every day dressed all in black, I was too cool for school, and I had attitude for days! Something was about to change to rock my little world...

Let me just pause here for a second to put emphasis on the core of this story...Satan hates family. He hates God. He hates followers of God. He hates children. He hates marriage. He hates love. He hates light. For years even before I was a twinkle in the eye of my parents, Satan has been plotting, planning, and preparing to destroy my family. Like a perfectly designed chess board he had all the players right where he wanted them. He had my parents divorced, fighting and pitted against each other with me smack dab in the middle, he had my Dad depressed and disconnected, he had my Mom so angry and bitter toward my Dad that it clouded her judgement and distracted her as a Mother, and he had me involved with a man that was 8 years my senior, drinking, smoking cigarettes, and beginning to dabble in Marijuana and trying to act like a grown woman in a relationship that I had no damn business being in and was far to immature to understand at 13 years old. He had us fighting over some stupid issue or another which caused me to write a stupid letter to distract me from my surroundings and on September 23rd, 1993 he made his move. 

My boyfriend came to pick me up from school and we headed to go see his daughter from a previous relationship. We left that location and before heading home stopped at QT on the corner of SE 14th and Watrous. I was looking down reading the letter mentioned above not paying attention to the fact that my boyfriend was about to turn left on a yellow light. As he did so Satan came disguised as a 78 year old drunk driver barreling towards us in a 1960 something Ford station wagon at 55 mph. He slammed into the passenger side of the 1990 Ford Probe I was setting passenger in. I never saw it coming.

From what I am told the police and ambulance showed up and it was mentioned by an EMT that he was surprised they were not taking someone away in a body bag. The next thing that I knew I woke up in a hospital bed in the worst pain I had yet to experience with my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend-baby-momma-drama and their daughter in her lap holding my hand. As you can imagine, I was in shock and wondering what in the world happened. My Mom and Dad explained that I had been in an accident. The results were a punctured lower intestine that was spilling poisonous bile into my body, a black eye and facial contusion's. 

I believe that was a Wednesday and that Friday I went into surgery to repair the damage. The surgeon literally had to take out all my intestines and run them through his hands to find the quarter size hole and repair it. As you can imagine, my parents were a mess! My Mom could barely function and my Dad was in fear that I would die having been living in the gutter of complete and utter sin and rebellion against God. I came out of surgery and was moved out of the ICU. I believe I came out of that surgery with 23 staples in my stomach, the second surgery with 17 and to this day I get to look at a 6 inch scar on my stomach to remind me of that day and the days that followed. 

About a week after surgery thinking I was doing better I started throwing up while still having an NG tube in and experiencing pain and went back into surgery to find that my bowl had kinked together and was blocking all the food I had been eating back into my stomach. I clearly remember when they took me to surgery the second time how scared my Dad was and as I was drifting off to sleep from the medication that was preparing me for surgery he was begging me to pray and to give my life to Christ because there was a chance that I would not come out of it alive. I was lucky to even be alive period. I remember praying but complaining of tired I was. I can't tell you how grateful I am that he made me do that because I know my life was in danger and I know that because of the outpouring of prayer by my parents and my church family God saw fit to keep me on this earth. 

I spent approximately 30 days in the hospital during my 8th grade year because of this "accident" or as my Dad puts it, an attempt on my life. You might be asking at this point what happened to the boyfriend driving the car. Well, he walked away with a minor scratch on his head, came to see me twice in the hospital and before I got out ended up moving out of our apartment and back in with his ex-girlfriend. I guess the pressure of having me almost die in his arms was just too much for him to handle. That was a blessing in disguise that I wouldn't realize until a few years later. I now had to face going home without this person who I thought loved me, face the 30+ days of school I had missed, and the long, long recovery including a long and drawn out lawsuit against our insurance company that did not want to pay for my recovery after finding out the transient drunk driver had no insurance or home. I'll spare you the details of the many return visits to the Doctor because of the major stomach problems that I endured because of my injury's and now at almost 37 still deal with. 

I won't tell you that this story has a fairy tale happy ending and that I returned back to the good little Christian girl that I started out being because that would be a lie. Satan wasn't done with me yet. I struggled for my entire teenage years with alcohol and drug abuse, one bad relationship after another, promiscuity, dangerous people in my life, 3 more car accidents, and a horrible on and off again relationship with my Dad. It wasn't until my mid twenties that I made a public stand for Christ in the baptismal waters and even after that Satan was still working full force at destroying my life, my marriage, my child's life, and my sanity. I have struggled with deep depression, anxiety and panic disorder, guilt, anger, and fear. It has taken me a long time to learn that a relationship with Christ is the one and only way to battle the devil. 

So begins the GOOD NEWS...

I have learned that the farther away from God I drift the worse my life is. I won't tell you that having a life in Christ means you will never struggle. Being a Christian doesn't mean that we don't face trails. We face many trials and sometimes it seems as though they are more difficult because we know who is behind them and it isn't flesh and blood that we struggle with but the powers of darkness that seek to destroy us. 

The closer you come to Christ the more Satan is going to work to attack you which is why it is so incredibly important that you do NOT delay, or waste one single second of your life on anything other than seeking the Kingdom of God. Satan attempted to take my life at 13 years old but I was dedicated shortly after birth to Christ. I was claimed by a God with more power than Satan could ever dream of having. I am saved and I am the daughter of a Risen King!!! I can claim victory over my enemy because of Christs death on the Cross!!! I still may stumble and fall, I still struggle, I still fight, but I have a Heavenly Father who fights with me and for me. I may not be where I want to be, but I sure as heck am not where I used to be and the fires I go through are worth it because I understand now that in order to make me worthy of His Kingdom, I need to be refined in that fire so that I can come out pure as gold. 

Friends, family, and readers that I love so much....please take this seriously...Our years, our months, our weeks, our days, our hours, our minutes, our seconds...none are promised to us. We live this time by the grace of God, our Creator and we should not take them for granted for one second. ANYTHING can happen at any moment. You may think your day is going along just fine and BAM, something happens and your life is gone or in danger, or the life of someone you love is in danger or gone. We are not entitled to one second on this earth and we don't deserve one second of breath. You must always at every moment you are living remember this and be humbled by the time that God allows you to have. This is the reason that I talk about Christ every single day. This is the reason that I pray for every single one of you. This is the reason that I urge every single one of you to accept Christ as your personal Savior and accept the free gift of Grace and Salvation that is offered by His sacrifice on the Cross. I will NEVER stop. Until my dying breath I will tell you of the love of God and NOW is the time to turn your life to Him. Not tomorrow, not a month from now, not a year from now, not when you think it's convenient for your daily life, not when you think that you have solved all your issues or you've attempted to better yourself to come to Him. NOW is the time. Right this second!! Accept Him, give your life to Him so that you may live in Eternity with Him and the others who have accepted Him too. Don't delay my loves because your life could end any second and I promise you, separation from your Savior is the absolute worst pain you could ever experience. I love you all, I pray for you all, and I beg you to get on your knees TONIGHT and pray the sinners prayer, claim your free gift, take a stand for your free gift, claim VICTORY in your free gift and live in Eternity forever in Glory!!! 

Can I get an AMEN!!!???

Fruits of the Spirit, Social Issues, and POTUS Candidates

Every individual has a checklist of important topics or issues that they look for in a potential POTUS candidate. Some care very little if at all about the persons religious beliefs but, to me personally, that is a HUGE factor on who I vote for because it shows their personal moral and ethical values and the way they will handle certain situations. Clearly we can see how Obama's Muslim influence is playing out in how he is handling current situations and this was a fear of mine when he was elected.
Listening to a local radio show today on 99.3 The Truth on a show called "Mac's World Live" someone accused Donald Trump of not being a Christian or at least acting like one...a woman who is supposedly a personal friend and employee of Trump's called in and reamed (which I thought was a bit ironic in the fact that she was accusing him of not being a Christian himself for judging but yet I felt she was doing the exact same thing) this person for saying this. My response on discerning (not judging) someone's Christian walk or character in Christ is the fruit they bare. Wikipedia states that "The Fruit of the Holy Spirit is a biblical term that sums up nine attributes of a Christian life according to St. Paul in his Letter to the Galations. "But the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" Galations 5:22-23.

So when I look at Donald Trump and his history and character in the media and in shows such as "The Apprentice" and how he has treated women and spoke to women, I question his "fruits". To me, I am discerning and will have to agree with the radio personality today that he is not a Christian in the sense that I understand a Christian. In my humble opinion Donald Trump is a racist, woman hating, bigot, pompous, and self-centered ass who cares nothing about this country or it's citizens and only about his own self interest, He has publicly insulted women, Hispanics, the poor, Republicans, and Christians among many others on MULTIPLE occasions.

Now, you don't have to take my word for any of this...it's all out there for the world to see and I assume everyone is smart enough to use Google and research this monster for what he is. Can anyone tell me how Donald Trump portrays anything of a fruitful person? The problem I have with the rich of our country is that they care very little about the "little guy" of society and Donald Trump in my opinion is one of those people who cares very little. Of course those who support him, like the woman on the video above, will come up with all these wonderful things that he has done for others. I have no doubt that he has helped some people and he talks a really big game. But as I was listening to the show and listening to the words of this woman I thought to myself, well gee, if ALL that qualifies Donald Trump to be our next POTUS is the fact that he's helped a few poor people, sick people, or ONE U.S. Veteran,  well we should just vote for Oprah Winfrey to be our next POTUS. Or how about Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg? I mean come on people!!?? What really qualifies Donald Trump to run this country? Does he have experience in being a U.S. Veteran or ever served our country in war, does he know anything about how to run the Military? Does he know anything about our healthcare system, our mental health system, the addicted in the country, the homeless on our streets, the welfare program, women's health issues, or religious freedom, just to name a few things?? From what I have seen and heard of him over the years, he knows NOTHING about these things nor does he care about them. 

Does anyone remember when our current so called POTUS was running and how people were falling all over each other in praise of this man whose words stirred hearts and minds and caused passion and fever with his charismatic attitude and all of his "hope and change"?  Obama was sure feeding us all full of wonderful ideas and thought provoking ideas of all the wonderful things he was going to do as our President. Can I remind you now of how even the Democrat Black voter is regretting their vote because all the "hope and change" has done nothing but ruin lives, take away choice, impose personal beliefs, and keep the poor as they were, still poor? Do I really need to bring up all the awful things our country and society has endured that will last even unto our children and our children's children (if the world lasts that long) because of the horrible policy and decisions Obama has forced upon us? Well friends, I can promise you, a vote for Trump, and election for Trump, will be the Republicans Obama and we will be bitching and moaning and complaining for the next 4-8 years in regret for such a stupid decision.

In conclusion I will share with you what my personal check list is in regards to choosing whom I will vote for as our next POTUS:

Fruits of the Spirit is number ONE! What is the character and track record of our next POTUS? How does he/she handle pressure? How does he/she handle going to war? How does he/she handle social issues such as the poor, the innocent, the victimized, and the unborn? My top issues, in no particular order:

• Right 2 Life - protecting the unborn and abortion issues, who still stop funding to murderous organizations like Planned Parenthood through our federal tax payer dollars and the violence against women and the unborn is the highest in our country than it has ever been
• Mental health - who will stop cutting federal funding to mental health organizations, shutting down mental health institutions and who will help the fact that social workers, mental health, and drug addiction counselor are some of the most expensive degrees to earn and the most underpaid employees, suicide caused by bullying is one of the highest causes of death among our youth
• Social reform programs - who will stop the cutting of funding from social reform programs
• The Homeless - who is going to stop cutting funding from organizations that help the homeless
• Drug and Alcohol Addiction - who still stop cutting funding from programs that help the addicted and who will stop the the fact that addiction counselors earn almost less than minimum wage and pay more for their degrees than they will ever make in salary
• Religious Freedom - who is going to ensure the fact that we are able to have prayer in schools, that Sabbath keepers do not have to compromise their faith and work on the Sabbath, who is going to protect traditional and Biblical marriage
• Education and Common Core - who is going to stop the government controlling and conditioning of our youth
• Protecting and providing for our U.S. Vets - there are more homeless, mentally ill, PTSD, and addicted Vets on our streets than any other population and the Vet hospitals have NO support or funding to help them. Healthcare, housing and counseling should be FREE for those that have served
• Protecting our borders against terrorism - who is going to stop ISIS???
• Domestic Violence and child protection laws - who is going to stand up and make the laws stricter against people who choose to victimize women and children
• 2nd Amendment Rights/Upholding the Constitution - who is going to stop immediately calling for stricter gun laws when tragedy strikes instead of focusing on the real problems of why the crimes are happening 
• Drug and alcohol convictions - why do we have more people in prisons right now for minor drug and alcohol convictions than we do for major crimes, who is going to support drug courts and stop over populating our jail systems for minor crimes that could be solved within treatment centers
• ALL lives matter - who is going to step up and take a stand against racism, who is going to stop race bating people like Al Sharpton, who is going to take a stand for the murdered unborn, who is going to take a stand for our police force that risk their lives daily to keep us all safe

These are my most important issues and honestly and sadly, none of the people running are talking about any of them. I know that we all have our own morals and we all have our own values but I really want to challenge all of you to get your priorities straight and stop arguing and being offended over the stupidest things and really set down and think about what is destroying our society and what can we do as a nation to ensure that these things are improved. 

I welcome your input and opinions and unlike other people I won't discredit you for what you have to say. I am open and love healthy debates on any topic that I write about and everyone has a voice and right to their moral judgments. If you have something to say...if you have a defense, if you have any viable and reliable PROOF against anything I've said...share it...please...

And let me know, who are you voting for and why?

Reflection....Innocent holiday or demonic participation?

Now that Halloween is over (thank goodness) I really feel as though I must reflect and speak my mind on this "holiday". Throughout the month of October I have shared numerous articles regarding how specifically Christians should handle Halloween and surprisingly I have not had a one of my Christian friends or family either like an article or respond with their agreement. In fact, I have seen quite the opposite...I have seen more of my Christian friends and family participating and compromising with this holiday than I expected. I have seen numerous Christian and Seventh-day Adventist brothers and sisters dressing up as the most scary and evil things they can possibly be. I have seen them make excuses and say that it's innocent and they just don't think it's that big of a deal. I have even seen secular friends call their own child "little devil" which doesn't surprise me, still hurts me. This breaks my heart to the very core because I know from personal experience just how wrong this is. This has been something that has been weighing on my heart for the last few years and this year I just feel like I cannot let my voice be silent anymore.

Father God, 

I come to You right now before I write this blog asking humbly at your Son's feet that what I am about to say will glorify You and will speak your truth, I know Father that not everyone who reads this is a Christian and I pray that you will send your Holy Spirit to their hearts and minds that they may receive your message through me. I know that many who read this Lord will be believers in You and I pray that you will block any attempt by Satan for them to hear Your message through me and that Satan will not be able to cause them to feel offended or not be able to be receptive of Your word through me. Father, please bless my every word and help it to be pleasing to Your ear and may I not out step my knowledge or say anything that does not glorify You. 

In Jesus precious name I pray, 

Amen!! 

To give you some history about myself, full self-disclosure, and admittance to my own sin, I want to state that I am NOT without sin in this topic. Growing up in a pretty liberal Christian home I was taught early on the evils behind Halloween both at home, in school, and in church. Our church celebrated by having the alternative "Harvest Party" for many years during my youth but I do admit that my parents did allow me and a girlfriend to go out "trick or treating" in costumes. The first costume I remember wearing at Harvest Party at church was Raggedy Ann...pretty innocent right? The next costumes I remember wearing when I joined the secular world to go to strangers doors and ask for candy was several consecutive years as a Vampire. Not very Godly right? Of course into my older teenage and young adult years I gave up trick or treat night and exchanged it for Halloween parties. My path in the secular world and my history in Satanism and my walk that was contrary from God made it very easy for me to participate in these events and think nothing of it. If I wasn't completely ignoring God and His pleas for me to come back to Him, I was justifying my indulgence as innocent fun because I knew Him and I couldn't possibly praise Satan because I was a follower in Christ. When my son was born both his Dad and I had him also participate in this holiday. His first Halloween he wasn't but 5 months old and we dressed him up as a pea pod because Daddy always called him sweet pea. Again...pretty innocent right? Over the years my son dressed in costumes that were not necessarily "satanic" in nature, I refused the typical vampire, or other type of scary costumes and thought that because he went as a "greaser" or Darth Vador, or Spider-man, or King Tut, that we were not glorifying Satan at all and that taking him door to door trick or treating was just an innocent right of passage that every kid got to experience and because I believed in God, we went to church, and he went to church school that we were immune from Satan's influence and all was wonderful with the world. 

( I have TONS of photos I could show you of super cute and funny Halloween costumes my family has dressed up as over the years but, I won't show you because I truly feel as though my sin and my open showing you of my sin causes you as my sister and brother to sin and I refuse to do so)

Over the years I have read many articles and inspiration by my church such as What Every Christian Should Know About Halloween and I have again scoffed and thought, oh whatever, that's not me, that's not how I feel. I'm not like that. Seven years ago when Halloween fell on the Sabbath (the 30th being a Friday night and the 31st being on Saturday) I chose against the warning of my Dad to participate and go out with some friends bar hopping in costume. Without going into too much detail that would be a whole other blog of its own, our "innocent" night ended in complete and utter disaster and began a rode through a hell that I never in my life would have imagined I would ever go through. The following Halloween I again, instead of learning my lesson, indulged in this holiday and took my son out in costume trick or treating, all in the midst of walking through this complete and utter devastation I was experiencing in my life. Some may argue that what I was going through was just a coincidence and had nothing to do with my indulgences but I can tell you that the experiences I was going through were very real, very raw, and Satanic influences were swarming around me. Have you ever been praying intently about something and a picture that represented something important in your life fly off the wall by itself? Have you ever had everything in your life taken away from you in a swift singular moment? Have you ever had nightmares night after night after night of the most horrendous demonic subjects that you were afraid to sleep? Have you ever felt depression, anxiety, and migraine headaches to the point that you wanted to end your own life? Have you ever drank yourself into a complete numbness including taking medication on top of it that you forgot where and who you were and didn't care if you lived or died? Have you ever sat and listened to music so dark and depressing and evil and felt the forces of evil surround you and yet didn't care because your life didn't matter anymore?  If you have and you can even attempt to tell me that it had nothing to do with demonic oppression then I would love to know your secret. 

Why do I call out Halloween now you ask? Why after all these years of openly observing and celebrating this holiday with no question and no regard would I now be a hypocrite now and say please for the love of God stop? I will tell you... Sin, is sin. We can be the most accepting and liberal Christians there is and I grew up in a home like that and I did and do it with my own child. We can try as hard as we can to justify our sins as innocent and that we are not harming anyone but the bottom line is that we as Christians CANNOT EVER partake and justify evil or sinful behavior and claim to be God believing and fearing folk and expect to ever win the secular world onto our side in our active sin. 

You and I can try and justify many issues in our life and ultimately make a decision if we should proceed or not. We can justify celebrating Halloween, fornication, homosexuality, the use of marijuana, etc, etc, etc. But to our own shame, it is "we" that is justifying and not the word of God as our one and only authority. In other words, we are and become hypocrites. We condemn certain sins like homosexuality, yet  practice fornication outside of marriage. We celebrate Halloween, yet we are called to the the salt and light of the world (Matthew 5:13-16). We cannot cherry pick Bible versus that conform to our life and leave out the rest.  These 66 letters were written to govern every aspect of our lives, economics, marriage, workplace, friendship, church assemblies, etc. If you're only a once a week Christian who worships on Sabbath or Sunday, the Lord describes you as a woman's menstrual rags (Isaiah 64:6, Proverbs 15:8, Proverbs 21:27). You must reexamine (2 Corinthians 13:5) who is Lord over your life. Satan wants you to be Lord over your life so that you are not dependent on God (Genesis 3:5), when falling for this snare you are accepting the spiritual mark of the beast (666). As Christian parents would you allow your child to practice pagan worship such as playing with tarot cards, or an Ouija board, light candles and have a psychic reading?  No!! Absolutely NOT! Or at least I pray that you would not. Why then is practicing this pagan and demonic ritual such as dressing up in scary costumes and going door to door asking for candy any different? Halloween if you look up the history is nothing more than a demonic pagan ritual that does nothing else but glorify Satan and no matter how you try and spin it as innocent, it will NEVER be that. 

So in short, a Christian should not be celebrating Halloween, instead they should expose it (Ephesians 5:11) to their kids for the filth that it is. Take the time and preach the Gospel to your own children rather than robbing them of the joy of the Lord. "And Whoever receives on such child in My Name receives me; but whoever causes on of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be frowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks comes! Mathew 18:5-7. 

Do not attempt to conform yourself to the world and partake in demonic activities because brothers and sisters, this holiday is far from innocent, far from non-evil, and far from not being Satanic in every sense of the meaning and word. I can personally testify and I have provided you more than enough proof outside of my own experience to show you that this "holiday" is nothing more than glorifying Satan himself.   I know that there are SO many people that will disagree with me and I welcome you to expose yourselves and your reasoning but I know you won't because deep down, you know I tell the truth. Please brothers and sisters, STOP doing this. Stop compromising. Stop letting your children be exposed to this garbage. Please dig and search for yourselves the origination and meaning behind this day and...

Guest Blogger: Critical Thinking...One Christians attempt to justify Atheism

Please join me in welcoming a guest blogger, Frank Holzhauser. A few weeks ago he was challenged by an atheist to put himself in his shoes and as a Christian try to tell him how God could in fact, not exist.

 Frank simply found this request impossible and I advised to use critical thinking in an attempt to answer this question. The following is his attempt to do so and as a Christian myself who absolutely cannot comprehend Atheism, I would say he did a great job....

As a 58 yr old Christian male, growing up in the faith, I can say with all honesty, I never really doubted God's existence. I may have flirted with the notion in my early teens, but I have had clear and definitive moments in my life where I sought (truth without faith).If I were to apply quote unquote, "critical thinking", I would likely find a hybrid between Christianity and infidel-ism, something along the line of Karma and Nirvana, or the idea that man being somehow a product of his conception. Most likely I would trend towards Intelligent Design, even if God did not exist, I just can't wrap my mind around "nothing created everything", so I will present some of the debates I have had in my own mind. I would try to rely on science, math, physics and biology, as much as it would try explaining my circumstances, but since the world would revolve around me, life would be all about pursuit of me. I readily admit, faith asks a lot, Santa Claus would be about as believable as God. I have said it this way, imagine a prearranged marriage; it was done before your birth and everyone tells you what a great gal your promised to. But you have never met her, felt her, tasted her, touched her or heard her voice, she has never contacted you, even by phone, you have never slept with or had sex with her, but everyone keeps telling you just wait, she is a great woman. So I remain pure for her, day after day I wait as I am asked to do, but I am aging the whole time, my testosterone levels have came and went, its seems by the time we meet, I doubt I can gain an erection to consummate our marriage, it just seems hard to wait any longer... 

...so then I up and die, what's up with that, what good did my faith in marriage get me? I am dead and never lived one day in an embrace of my beloved bride. While I haven't doubted God, I have doubted his care for me, and some of the things written about or ascribed to him, I just can't help but to believe that there is more to life than this. If there isn’t, it’s a very cruel joke as there is so much evil, that somehow or way must be dealt with. Karma as they say is a bitch. This philosophy would appeal to me, that “what goes around comes around". I might more lean towards living multiple lives until a person "gets it right", but philosophy is much like a-holes, everyone has one, so if there is no ultimate truth, I really think I would likely live only for myself.  I really can't feel anyone else's pain or pleasure but my own, so truth would be exclusive to my reason and understanding, and nothing like a drug or alcohol would be out of my reach in pursuit of knowledge, whatever would place me in a higher plain of understanding. There have been moments in my life where I felt my own intellect sufficient for the journey to truth but, as the lyric in the Don Henley song “The Heart of the Matter” goes, while I know many more facts and have much greater knowledge than I did decades ago, "the more I know, the less I understand". I would have to see it, hear it, smell it, taste it, or touch it to prove it truth cause unless my senses could comprehend it, it must not exist. 

I remember one time on Thanksgiving at my dad’s mother’s house, my parents were playing a game of checkers and my dad was losing, so he knocked over the checker board and of course said “oh excuse me, how clumsy of me”, and then laughed like a fool. Well we all knew the purpose was not to get beat by my mom, but I have often thought of this incident and related it to God and Satan. Yes, I am told that God is stronger and in charge but, Satan is winning the battles, maybe till God knocks over the checkerboard, but somehow that doesn’t seem like a win. When scripture points out “broad is the path to destruction and narrow the path to life”, seems as if Satan is taking out more than God is rescuing, so whatever one’s view of things, it requires some amount of “faith” to trust anything, including your own name, how would I even have known it except my mom saying it over and over? We all rely heavily on other’s hand-me down accumulated knowledge, so what’s to be trusted and what’s to be excluded...is the ongoing debate and battle... 

Clearly the problem with faith is it is intangible that by its nature, cannot be proven by human sciences, whether anatomy, chemistry, medicine, biology, physics, math, psychology, psychopathology, astronomy, physiology, psychiatry, philosophy, arts, literature...so, whatever one concludes really comes back to circular reasoning, and whatever archeology can unearth to validate or invalidate mans faith, or reinforce theory and speculation. Prime example, the matter of Clinton, Lewinsky, and a blue dress. DNA science can only determine a sample to be Bill's or not, so what if the dress was washed or destroyed?  Then we are left with faith in Bill's story or Monica's word, provided there is no witness to the event but, if the blue dress didn't exist, did the private event not happen, so even science cannot prove everything?  Then what, back to faith, or theory and speculation? Science demands proof and absolutes, but morals demand absolutes also, so until archaeology digs up indisputable evidence, man escapes the bounds of this solar system or God comes... 

No one I guess has any better idea than the other but; I have hope, another intangible that can't be proven, miracles can't be proven. Here is a story, many a folk root for the Cubs. In sports you have many unproven intangibles. Let's say a team on paper is clearly a superior team, well science should say, that team should always win but, many factors can come into play. Maybe a player’s family member has died, a team can rally around that event, to play over their normal capability, but can that be proven, or even measured? Momentum, home field, injury, a bad call, weather...many factors can catapult an inferior team to victory, but again, can those be proven or measured? I've heard science say that a curve ball is physically impossible, that your eyes are deceived, so is perception reality. Everything we know is really an exercise in faith, it takes faith to believe in God, and it takes faith to not believe in God, so what's the common denominator here mathematicians? You’re right...GOD !! 

Then there is the matter of truth. Can truth be truth if it’s not absolute?  We enter the realm of relative or subjective truth, is a truth here a truth somewhere else?  There are absolute truths to physical law…you jump you fall. But if a Christian says "you sin, you die", they are immediately accused of placing value judgments. See, mans nature is to really do as he pleases, and moral law gives restraint to that, physical law restrains him also, but he will concede that for self-preservation, so even indulging in things of pleasure too much, can come at a heavy cost, to health or life? The Christian is merely asserting not to perish in an un-forgiven state and risk losing salvation. Then that will be met by, “how can salvation be proven”? Back to faith. Some will say it’s all a big bang, you live once and there is nothing past the grave. Well, again we are back to faith, and neither can prove to the other, that their truth isn't theory...

I have my own theory as to atheism that I've been working on for a few months now. Hopefully God will say it's just about complete soon :) As always, feel free to share your thoughts and opinions....

Is it Gossiping to say that someone is Gossiping?

Gossip. Lies. Stories. The fish that keeps getting bigger and bigger. The telephone game. Oh how many of us have been assaulted, hurt, betrayed, and ruined because we have told someone something about ourselves that they felt the need to go tell someone else? How many of us have trusted someone with personal and private information and it has been spread like wildfire? How many times has someone told you something and you went and told someone else? It happens every single day. It happens not only in the secular world but it sadly happens in the church as well, and even more sadly, it happens in the church far more than you would ever imagine or want to admit. 

I have seen this gossip trend increase within my church to the point that I just can't keep it inside anymore....

Father God, 
I pray over my words right now. I pray that you bless this message and that you speak through me. I pray that what I am about to say does not make me a sinner in gossip but that my message will enlighten, educate, and inspire others. Father, please let my plea to others be not be distorted by Satan but be blessed by You! 

In Jesus Christ name, 
Amen, 

The very last thing that a Women's or Men's Ministry leader, a Pastor, a Deacon, a Deaconess, etc., should be doing is gossiping right? When we come to Christ we should emulate and display the Fruits of the Spirit..."But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law" Galatians 5:22-23. 

A leader in the church that ministers and is responsible for hearing private things about others should never ever take these things and talk about them to other people other than those trusted church members who are responsible for the prayer. Leaders of our church are responsible to keep private matters private and to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. Leaders of our church are responsible for leading others to Christ. Who agrees or disagrees with that statement? 

I want to tell you of my own experience with this so that you understand the weight that this brings on my heart and soul because it is real and it is serious...
Recently my family suffered the loss of a dear family member to a long term illness. Funerals are never easy. No one knows what to say or how to act. It is a difficult and hard time to comfort those who have lost someone to death. At a funeral families should come together and comfort one another and to uplift and give words of encouragement and of peace. At this funeral however a family member used gossip about other family members as small talk. The first thing that came out of their mouth was gossip and lies of embarrassing proportions against other family members. Does this happen? Of course it does. People gossip ALL of the time and really think nothing of it. As heartbreaking as that is, it is the truth and it is very real. The last thing that needs to be discussed at the funeral of a family member is other family members troubles in their marriage or troubles in their personal lives right? But this kind of behavior runs wild within our social circles and our families. Since when did other's troubles and shortcomings become small talk? Well, since the existence of time really. Who influences this behavior? Satan. 

Ellen G. White says, "It pains me to say that there are unruly tongues among church members. There are false tongues that feed on mischief. There are sly, whispering tongues. There is tattling, impertinent meddling, adroit quizzing. Among the lovers of gossip some are actuated by curiosity, others by jealousy, many by hatred against those through whom God has spoken to reprove them. All these discordant elements are at work. Some conceal their real sentiments, while others are eager to publish all they know, or even suspect, of evil against another. I saw that the very spirit of perjury, that would turn truth into falsehood, good into evil, and innocence into crime, is now active. Satan exults over the condition of God’s professed people. While many are neglecting their own souls, they eagerly watch for an opportunity to criticize and condemn others. All have defects of character, and it is not hard to find something that jealousy can interpret to their injury. “Now,” say these self-constituted judges, “we have facts. We will fasten upon them an accusation from which they cannot clear themselves.” They wait for a fitting opportunity and then produce their bundle of gossip and bring forth their tidbits.
In their efforts to carry a point, persons who have naturally a strong imagination are in danger of deceiving themselves and deceiving others. They gather up unguarded expressions from another, not considering that words may be uttered hastily and hence may not reflect the real sentiments of the speaker. But those unpremeditated remarks, often so trifling as to be unworthy of notice, are viewed through Satan’s magnifying glass, pondered, and repeated until molehills become mountains. Separated from God, the surmises of evil become the sport of temptation. They scarcely know the strength of their feelings or the effect of their words. While condemning the errors of others, they indulge far greater errors themselves. Consistency is a jewel.
Is there no law of kindness to be observed? Have Christians been authorized of God to criticize and condemn one another? Is it honorable, or even honest, to win from the lips of another, under the guise of friendship, secrets which have been entrusted to him, and then turn the knowledge thus gained to his injury? Is it Christian charity to gather up every floating report, to unearth everything that will cast suspicion on the character of another, and then take delight in using it to injure him? Satan exults when he can defame or wound a follower of Christ. He is “the accuser of our brethren.” Shall Christians aid him in his work?
God’s all-seeing eye notes the defects of all and the ruling passion of each, yet He bears with our mistakes and pities our weakness. He bids His people cherish the same spirit of tenderness and forbearance. True Christians will not exult in exposing the faults and deficiencies of others. They will turn away from vileness and deformity, to fix the mind upon that which is attractive and lovely. To the Christian every act of faultfinding, every word of censure or condemnation, is painful.
There have always been men and women who profess the truth, who have not conformed their lives to its sanctifying influence; men who are unfaithful, yet deceiving themselves and encouraging themselves in sin. Unbelief is seen in their life, their deportment, and character, and this terrible evil acts as does a canker. 

Testimony Treasures, Vol. 2, p. 22-23. Jealousy and Faultfinding Condemned 1882, Testimonies for the Church. 

Friends....How powerful is that???? If that doesn't convince you as to the dangers of gossip please reference: 

What effect can gossip have? It breaks down relationships.  Exodus 23:1, TLB. "Do not pass along untrue reports. Do not cooperate with an evil man by affirming on the witness stand something you know is false." 

Gossip is as harmful and lasting as physical wounds. , Proverbs 25:18, TLB. "Telling lies about someone is as harmful as hitting him with an axe, or wounding him with a sword, or shooting him with a sharp arrow." 

Gossip wastes valuable time.  II Thessalonians 3:11-12, TLB. "Yet we hear that some of you are living in laziness, refusing to work, and wasting your time in gossiping. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ we appeal to such people—we command them—to quiet down, get to work, and earn their own living." 

Gossip can ruin friendships.  Proverbs 16:28, TLB. "An evil man sows strife; gossip separates the best of friends." 

Gossip is based on rumors.  Proverbs 11:13, TLB. "A gossip goes around spreading rumors, while a trustworthy man tries to quiet them."

According to God, the punishment for gossip should be death!!!! You are literally committing murder, you are killing another person by gossiping about them and telling lies! You are breaking a Commandment issued by God...

"You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor". Exodus 20:16. 

This family member who chose to gossip about other family members is also a member of my church. This person is considered a leader in my church. The church I grew up in. The church that I consider my home. The place that I should feel safe. That we should all feel safe. This person is allowed to serve in leadership positions and have personal and private information about other people is the same person who will take this information and gossip and lie about them. Am I gossiping by telling this information? Maybe. I don't know. What I do know is that I cannot set by idly and silent while this happens. I feel compelled by my heart to reveal this information in hope and prayer that leaders of church will read this and will think twice about who we let "minister" to others. This is the time friends and family that we cannot let Satan infiltrate our churches and our homes like we have let him infiltrate our society. We are not of this world. We don't belong on this earth. The things that happen here, the sinful, horrible atrocities that happen in this world are foreign to us because Christ calls us to be better and to rise above, yet, we allow it in our own church home that we should feel peace and safety. Satan is not the red horned devil with the long forked tail and the scary teeth that Hollywood portrays him to be. He is your neighbor. He is your "friend". He is your "family" member. He is the person setting next to you in the pew at church. Satan is charming, he is handsome, and he has been studying you and your family for thousands of years to know that exact thing that will tempt you to fall and disgrace your Father in Heaven. 

Church family WAKE UP!!! Wake up an discipline your church members. Think about who you are allowing to minister to the sheep of your fold. Think about the new members that you are trying to convince of your faith and your teachings. Think about those who are broken and down and who need uplifting and pray about who you are trusting to serve over them. Now is NOT the time to let just anyone into positions of power. Everyone is welcomed into the church of God, everyone deserves a second chance and everyone, EVERY ONE, is loved by God, BUT, not every one is of honorable intentions. We must be careful and watchful because "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" Ephesians 6:12. I do not tell you these things out of hatred but I tell you these things out of prayer, honest and sincere prayer, that these individuals will recognize their sin and will repent and will stop their evil tongues from destroying another person. It hurts me. It breaks my heart. It makes me stay away from the only church family I have ever known because I KNOW THE TRUTH. I have been the victim of this person's lies and gossip and murder. I see how they have snowballed everyone into thinking they are a true follower of God when in reality they are murdering others with their words. 

I can only pray that my words are taken to heart by you who are reading this and that you will be brave enough to stand up and speak against this when you see it happening in your own church and your own family and your own social circle. 

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand". Isaiah 41:10